Vacation Is Here!

So I haven't updated my blog since I got a death threat. Someone reminded me of that today, so I figured I ought to post, just to show I'm alive and kicking.

School went out with a bang/whimper. I'm not teaching chemistry next year - no one is. Long story. So I get to teach earth science, and I am ecstatic!! Well, I get to teach physical science, which I'm not so hot on, but I'm rushing through physics and chem to get to earth science!! Whoot!

The boys both passed - and have been doing homework every day since school ended. Both Mom and Dad are home, poor kids... I try to make it fun, though. Math exercises are rewarded with an hour of video games or TV. They got to pick the books they're reading. We go to the zoo or something and pick out the science we'll study there. They're learning state capitals this summer, with contests. The winner, daily, gets a sweet treat. They're quite competitive.

So, we're driving up to Harvey County today for the family reunionish party. Tom Tom took us on a back back road road that I haven't hit in probably 20 years years. It goes past this one kids' camp. Stinky says, "Mom, can we go to that camp?" I answer, "Sorry, kid, that's a Catholic camp." To which Moth replies, "I know all my capitals. Can I go to the capital camp?"

He's had a series of humorous mis-hearings this year. Athlete's foot has become trumpet foot in our house. Trumpet foot. You can't make that crap up. Probably should get his ears checked, but when the outcome is so funny... well... cheap entertainment wins.

I'm writing this update while they swim at the hotel pool. We stayed in the hotel in town, though we had been warned that it wasn't so good these days - got flooded out last winter. Our room is aces, free internet access... I'll stay here again, if it still exists. Totally worth it.

And now, I'm gonna go read a book. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.

(*)>

Random Thoughts

When I was in sixth grade, I threw up on Miss Poder. Right on her. Didn't feel bad about it, either.

Today, one of my students threw up all over... my doorway. Can't get in or out of the room without squelches, though they did throw cat litter on it. I guess that's a saving grace, since there's supposed to be some major water balloon fights up here today. Maybe they'll leave my wing alone.

Right.

Sixteen more days.

~~~~~

My clothes are mostly pre-Moth, who just turned 7 Saturday. I decided I needed some new shirts. I've avoided buying shirts for a few years because I have a huge gut. Muffin Top Is Me. Shirts in the last five years have been belly shirts or high waist shirts. Lo and behold, the new shirt length is mid-hip. Yipee! I bought four! (ugly colors, but at least they're long!)

And WHY didn't the sixties/seventies crap stay back there? Polyester and puke colors are gross, no matter what the presentation. Sheesh.

~~~~~

Stinky has become quite the mumbler. Whenever he disagrees with mom or dad, he starts muttering under his breath. Yesterday, he bought a combination lock, and he couldn't figure out how to get it to work. I was trying to help him and he took this "I just can't do it!" position. I said "Well, you're going to."

After a little bit, I gave an instruction and he talked back.

I smacked him.

His eyes teared up. His jaw firmed. But no talking back.

Three minutes later, he's mumbling something, and I said, "Just shut up and do it!" He muttered, "you shut up!"

I flipped him over and paddled him.

I have all assurances that he hates me and will hate me the rest of his life. I don't give a rat's patootie. If he shuts up, it's worth it.

~~~~~

Moth man did not get a lot of presents for his birthday. A big part was a new bike that he keeps leaving out in the rain. He was warned if he didn't take care of his toys, he wouldn't be getting any more.

Granny and Poppy got him two lego sets. I built him the first one with him, showing him how to keep the pieces in the right piles and how to follow the directions. It was, of course, a pain in the ass. I told him to take care of it, because I wasn't fixing it. Less than one day later, he smashed it. Tears. Recriminations. Yet I was not moved. I built it once, and you broke it in less than 12 hours.

I told him I would not build the second one. He asked if he could. I said, why, sure! So he took it up to his bed, promptly lost half the pieces, and came crying to me. I shrugged. Sorry, kid, not helping you.

He got a speedometer for his bike and messed with it til it broke the first afternoon he had it.

He got a whoopee cushion from his Aunt and Uncle (thanks for that) that he blew up til it popped, even though he'd been warned a lot to be careful.

Please note that every present, except for the bike, was destroyed within 24 hours of Moth ownership.

Moths are destructive.

I guess the name is appropriate.

~~~~~

Well, that's the news. The boys are all getting anxious for their camping trip away from Mom. It should be interesting. I get the dogs by myself for 10 days. Poor Titus and Loki. You know, the last time John took the boys overnight, it was for some Cub Scout thing. He called me from some big battleship and asked for some other parents number. "Why are you asking me?" I pondered aloud. "JUST FIND IT" he replied, paniced.

John does not panic.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"I can't find Sean. I think he's with this other parent."

"What Happened??!!??"

"Well, I lost Tim this morning, and Sean went off to find him. Now I can't find Sean."

If he calls me from the OkeeFenokee swamp - or whatever that is - asking for the number for the Ranger station, I'm gonna slip exlax powder in his fiber shakes.

~~~~~

One final surreal note... the Metro - a free paper available in most major cities - had a really strange letters to the editor section today/ (That's on the same page as sudoku and crosswords.)
Every single letter was pro-conservative. I can't figure out if they're trying to get their readers angry or if they're just trying to highlight what they consider "freaks" (they're MSM, no way are there conservatives on that staff). It was downright weird.


Later, gators!
(*)>

They followed through...

Haloscan took away the free candy. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to get blogger comments back and haloscan turned off earlier today. So. No comments on this blog. I guess this is 9 toes on the grave and one on a bananapeel for flightless hag!

In the mean time, I have recently seen a few feminist posts - well, not really feminist, but you'll understand if you take the time to read them. I hope that all 3 of you do...

First, a look at women's rights in the lands of Islam. It's a bit sad to me... and then, a look at how women's rights have fared here in the land of the free. I especially hope you follow Ms. Althouse's second link. It's yet another reason I HATE that movie...

Later, gators...

(*)>

Cat Update

We have no cat.

The SPCA has termed us "bad pet owners" - one of our neighbors must volunteer there.

Seriously, though. Titus needs a shot, but our vet is kinda far away. We're waiting until Loki goes in for the big scoop and it'll be a two-fer.

Apparently, if you don't treat your pets as well as you'd treat your kids, or better, you're a bad pet owner. Which may be the case.

So I called an exterminator to get rid of the vole. We'll see.

In other "conform, comply, sumbit" news, the dirty bird and I have noticed a strange new trend. Everywhere you go - from the gas station to the grocery store - you will find a television screen blaring at you.

Do people have such a lack of electronic stimulus in their lives that they have cried out "we must have television as we shop!"? Methinks no. Instead I have a theory of convergences. Flat-screen monitors are cheap as dirt these days, as is internet for broadcasting whatever it is you want to broadcast.

On top of this, we are in the DVR/TiVO generation. No one watches ads at home, except maybe a few oldsters who aren't going to get out to shop. So advertisers have had to become more clever. They have to put in fancy product placements in shows (ever notice what kind of appliances the Food Network guys use? Or the kinds of bowls or pots? It's not grannny's old cast iron, that's 4 sure.) And now, for more advertising when you're at your most vulnerable, advertising while you're shopping.

Don't know about you, but I find it annoying. I like the silence and the smell of fumes as I pump gas, thank you. And I don't care what the latest uses for kale are.

But if it brings prices down, because it's more revenue for the markets?

Bring. It. On.

(*)>

Don't Tell Grandma Harvey!!

The Dusty Aviary has had an extra, uninvited guest this winter. It crawled under our "new room" (converted garage) and tunneled into the basement. We've put out traps; it doesn't nibble. I think it's a mole or something.

John has given up trying to trap it and doesn't want to use poison. He believes it's not a rat or mouse, and that's why our traps haven't even got a nibble. Poison wouldn't either. So, we have to call in a professional.

John and Sean are out picking out Cat today. I say Cat because we don't normally name cats, we just call them Cat. It works for us.

But don't tell Grandma. She's due down here in a few days, and she's already upset that we have 2 dogs. A cat would put her over the edge.

This winter looks like it's gonna be fun.

(*)>

Brilliant Friday!

OK, so aside from finally losing the panel on the rear drivers' side door of my car (long story) this has been one fun day.

Today, I slept til I woke up. I haven't done that in I don't know how long. No alarm, no expectation of anything. Got up, cleaned, put up the christmas crap (which Moth LOVES. Must be the lights.) Cleaned some more.

Then watched this movie - Love Actually.

It's the new Christmas phenom. All the chicks dig it. Except me, I think. It's full of unrequited, broken, and baseless love. There's some good stuff in there, too, but too much of it is too "reality" for me. I don't want reality in my movies, thank you very much. At the same time, I really can't suspend disbelief enough to think someone would cheat on Colin Firth. I mean. Really.

The boys had One Big Dustup today. It all stems from the "secret stash". Stinky likes to keep a box of crap under his bed. Pens, stupid little toys, necklaces, makeup... wait, no, that was my secret stash when I was a kid. His doesn't have the makeup. I digress. Moth doesn't particularly want the crap, but he doesn't want Stinky to have it, either. So, whenever Sean is off playing with his friends, Tim will find a way to get up into the stash. We have tried yelling, we have tried hand folding, we have tried sentences, we have tried Slave For A Day (that's my newest punishment, and I must say, it works quite well, usually). None of these deterred young MothMan from terrorizing his brother. Today, he lost Sean's favorite light-up pen.

So daddy... uh... I can't write the word because I'm sure we'll go to jail or, at the very least, my web page will get a whole bunch of hits from bad people, but it starts with an s, ends with a ked, and has a pan in the middle... anyhow, he did that to the Moth. Will it be a deterrent? Don't know. But Stinky feels justified and John feels guilty. And I, well, I was watching a movie. Harvey trait: the whole scene escaped my attention. It's a skill. What can I say?

Speaking of younger sibling rebellion... Loki snuck out of the house today. Now, what is it about dogs, that when they have the penchant for roaming, they have to combine that with the odeur de merde? Don't know what that little pup rolled in, but it sure did make Dad mad. Had to give the dog a bath. Pup has been in the cage ever since. But I can see rebellion fomenting in his eyes. He is, as I have said b4, aptly named. God of mischief, you got nuttin on this pup.

Hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving.

(*)>

Recycling?

So, I was limping (more on that later) to my classroom from my lame-o meeting when I noticed a bright orange square in the alcove outside my room.

If I didn't get that little prophylactic out of there, it was going to be wrapped around my door handle. But I wasn't about to pick it up. I mean, gross! So I kicked it down to this other alcove for an unused lab.

Fast forward 1.5 hours to the end of day. I had go bathroom (much like Corky in the one episode of Life Goes On I watched), so I walked past that alcove. The Cheetos wrapper was still there. But the condom was gone.

All I could think was... someone decided to use it.

Just the thought makes me skeeved.


The school district, in response to Pres. Obama's OH MY GOD ITS A FLU EMERGENCY NO ONE PANIC!! has upped their dedication to increasing the strength and determination of all bacteria. They've installed hand sanitation stations in all classrooms. I have one installed next to my sink, so the lazy ass kids will forgo washing their hands, and instead will haphazardly and incorrectly apply Listeria-infested hand sanitizer to their nasty hands. Ah, well, we're due for a good plague, anyhow. Bring. It. On.


Speaking of plagues, I took the kids to the Renaissance Faire. Sean wanted to go in costume - as a monk! I could work with that! I made myself a plague victim and I made Tim lame.



I was asked what plague I had, and I said "Swine flu!" That sure scared some folks!

We are doing well, in general. Ups and downs of life are fine. My foot is STILL hurt, after a year, so I guess it's permanent. I've noticed when I wear my orthopedic shoes (ugly but comfy), I can walk a lot better. So, I guess it's off to the shoe store! Darn!

Hope anyone that reads this is well!

(*)>

Boy 0, Crabs 2

This summer, John started up "cheap vacations with the bird family!"

He's taken up camping with the boys. As I camped enough as a nestling, I pass on the privilege.

This weekend, they went down to Maryland and went crabbing with Poppy. This is their second foray crabbing.

On the first adventure, our Fresh Air Fund kid came along, and they caught 4 female underweight crabs. The moth proudly decreed each catch, then reversed his pride with the news of the throw-back. Poppy said that Tim should apply for Town Crier when he gets older, as he has the inherent skill and ability.

This time, apparently, they caught 0 crabs. If you read this earlier, well, it was apparently a boy conspiracy to hide the truth. But the town crier spilled the beans. Another failed crabbing mission. Alas, they bought crabs and et them anyhow.


~~~~~

Stinky should not be left out of any update. In keeping with his "grass is always greener" attitude, Sean has now declared that he hates school and wishes it was summer again. Two weeks into summer with me, he had decreed the opposite. He's such a whiner - just like his mom!

One thing he doesn't whine or complain about - ever - is listening to epic stories on CD or tape. The kid has an unending appetite for them. He's picked up Harry Potter at the library - and we're talking like 10CD's for some of the middle books - he hasn't gotten to 5 yet - and he follows them the whole way!

It has been our savior for driving on these camping trips and other trips. Last weekend, we went up to my mom's and listened to the beginning of a new series - the Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians). He was captivated within 30 seconds, and we didn't hear a peep from him the rest of the trip - even when Mothy pestered him!

~~~~~

In our last update from the aviary, our local water department is cleaning out the mains. So we are all hooked up through hoses.

Our water smells FOUL - old army boot foul. I Brita it b4 use, but it is still awful. It must be used in coffee or such. As a result, I am drinking bottled water. Why is it that when your water is not potable, you're way thirstier than usual?

In addition to smelling foul, we have extreme fluctuations in pressure, and sometimes it just starts to effervesce and smell even weirder - I think it's a chlorine push. Whack!

Yesterday, one of the temporary hydrants blew. It was a great big fountain in the middle of the street. Some saw water - I saw my water bill going up.

In the end, though, I wonder: how do people without good water in their houses do it? Shudder. At least I know My situation is temporary!!

(*)>

Welcome Back, Kotter!

Well, it's back to school time at the Aviary. Hence the less than no posting schedule. But things ah-re the way things ah-re, to paraphrase a favorite movie.

School is much the same - room, classes, even some of the same kids. This year, there is a new development - a few of us are at war with the cleaning crew. They are stealing our doorstops.

I ask you, what is the world coming to, when someone would steal your doorstop? So, on the surprise trip up to my mom's this weekend (where I found out about my SISTER - my PURRFECT big SISTER - getting REPRIMANDED by a campground supervisor for making too much noise late at night! Ha ha ha ha!! Never knew mom was such a tattletale, did ya?), my brother came to the rescue and made me like 8 new doorstops. I have already decorated my first in hopes that this time, they won't scribble out my name and pretend theirs was there first:




(the other edge says "don't steal this")
What're the odds I'll still have this at the end of the week?

~~~~~

In other news, my family's descent into irredeemable redneckdom has continued. It started with us encouraging our kids to play outside, unsupervised, and they came up with a war game. Americans versus Indians. They lured other boys in... boys whose mothers don't "believe in war or its violence." WHATever.

Our shame spiral continued when Timmy kicked the hornets' nest, and John showed up to save him clad only in shorts (he had just spilled spaghetti sauce on his shirt, but hell, it looked like he likes to walk around shirtless. I told him to look on the bright side, at least he wasn't wearing a wife beater!)

But the last straw for our neighbors has come. My husband has indulged his secret childhood wish and bought himself a beebee gun. Yes, John has been firing the gun in the backyard, which is, of course, a magnet for every daggone boy in the 'hood. They all come - and after checking with dads and making them don safety glasses, he lets them shoot off the gun - under complete supervision.

This is a bb gun. Not a real gun. Just to make sure you're not confused.

So, anyhow, he's out in the backyard, shooting off guns, drinking Pabst which is surrounded by his new beer-cozy (thanks a lot, uncle tom), and spouting off a random "yee haw" or "get-r-dunn".

I would hang my head in shame, except I think that I am the more red-necky of the two of us. And I actually enjoy horrifying our "guns are EEEVil" neighbors. What? I never claimed to be a nice hag. Just a flightless one.

(*)>

I Must Be Bipolar...

So, two days into the school year, and I was dejected.

My class sizes are from 33 to 40.

My room seats 30 comfortably.

The class periods have been shortened to 45 minutes.

I was challenged covering the material in 57.

I couldn't get through ANYTHING yesterday. Build safety rules, do catalyst and math minute. That's it! two problems and safety rules. No demo. Nothing!! I was supposed to do a lab today, but no dice. Not in this century.

And I don't even know, when I had the time, if I even impacted anyone at all. Our general testing scores ranged from awful to pathetically disturbing. Frustration and chaos were having their effects on me.

To top it off, my new pants - which I bought a size bigger than normal - were TIGHT. And I could have sworn I lost 5 pounds in the last few weeks!

Just before my first class, I got an email from another teacher. This teacher coaches a sport, and wanted to let me know that a bunch of the students were talking about me. They were really positive, not just about me as a person/teacher, but about how being in my class was actually a positive experience.

And when I got to the bathroom later, I found the pants had been mistagged - two sizes too big! I was actually comfortably wearing a size SMALLER than usual.

Like that, out of the doldrums and onto cloud nine.

I think it must be exhaustion!!

~~~~~

John is off to his next class tonight. Still pushing for the advanced degree in boringology. But the thing is, as much as he didn't want to do it, I think he loves it.

Tomorrow night, he's going to take classes to learn to cook like a Viking. How many ways can you make gruel? Mulled wine in four easy steps? Sour milk and its infinite uses? I guess he's mastered so many other cooking niches that Viking cooking classes were his last challenge.

What's that you say? Viking is a kind of cooking product? He's not going to go a-viking?

Darn. I was looking forward to the elderberry mead.

~~~~~

The boys are back in school, as opposed to town. Totally ready to be back, excited about their teachers, and ecstatic to see their friends. Glad I teach high school, for sure!

And now, I've finished my homework, finished the dishes, got the kids ready... CRAP load of laundry in the dryer. A hag's work is never done.

(*)>

Spendin Money We Don't Have

You might think this is a post on the hyper-consumerism that has driven the American economy to the brink of collapse. But it is much closer to home.

This has been the year of breakages.

First the for-home computer broke.
Then the for-school computer broke.
Then the car broke.
Then the dishwasher broke.
Then the washer broke.
Now we are broke.
Well, not really, but I'm really hoping and praying that nothing else goes wrong!

~~~~~


This week we have an extra kid. We're participating in the Fresh Air Fund - though how our town, so close to Philly, could have cleaner air than another, I'm not certain. Anyhow, we have another Sean in the house - spelled differently, but sounds the same. Ho ho! Confusion~ thy house is rogers.

We were told that a lot of these children, especially the boys, gravitate toward the dad in the household. That is certainly the case here. As soon as John's "in tha house" - seanII's like a barnacle on him. But in a good way.

He's a really nice kid, and my boys already like him a lot. There's some jockeying for best friend position, but he seems to balance them pretty well. So far, so good!

(*)>

Killer Strikes Again

Ahhh, the joys of having a new dog.

We thought our kitchen was dog-proof, but a few weeks of rainy days showed that even the best-nailed-down molding could be pried up with puppy teeth. All of my rugs got chewed to bits, but hey! That's an excuse to buy pretty new rugs from TJ Maxx! (and I got this cool rug with a rooster. I'm so proud!)

So, now that sunny summer has come, the dogs are outside most days - all day! We got a new fence as our old one was certainly not Houdini proof. The new one is aces until the boys forget to close a gate. Then, out goes Loki. He's not a runner, just a curious dog. He comes right back when called. But nowadays, it's usually bearing gifts.

Two days ago, it was a mole.

Today, ~sniff~, it was a bird.

~~~~~

We've been doing a lot of swimming; stinky, moth, and I. I felt the sun was a little strong today, so I checked my back when we got home. Last year, I got the crap burned out of my back when we were at Virginia Beach. When I checked my back today? I still have the marks from last year's burn. I know because I haven't worn that swimsuit since that fateful trip. But I can still see the lace marks.

A friend of mine just turned up with a huge amount of skin cancer on her arm. I was never a sun bather, but she was a sun-avoider. Terrified of skin cancer, she was, cos her mom had it. And now, despite her precautions, she has it. Good thing she's paranoid, because this little tiny mark, that the doctors thought was a flu-shot scar, ended up causing a 3x1 inch hole in her arm. The docs still don't know if they got it all. Suck city.

~~~~~

I'm still getting used to this Mac OS. The touch pad still makes me swear sometimes, and setting up the new scanner/printer (it was free, and now I'll have a printer at school! Yee haw!) was like pulling teeth! HP doesn't like MAC all that well. But I now have 5 wires coming out of my desk. 4 of them are power cords. 1 is internet to the modem. C'est tout! For a semi-ocd girl, it's a thing of beauty. Or a beautiful thing, as Vic might say.

Well, I'm off to type more addresses back into address book. Just wanted to see if I could get my photos cleaned up after the big switch, and then see if I could upload. Yes, still getting used to the Mac, but liking it as I learn. I guess I'm not so old as that, if I'm willing to learn new tricks.

later, gators.

(*)>

trials and tribulations

No, I don't currently have any of those. You'd think that would be a good excuse for not updating. But the fact is, I have no excuse.

We have had several computer woes at the dusty aviary. Our memory challenged machine has finally given up the ghost - either that or the two gerbils we hired to run the processor finally kicked. So, my computer time is mostly at school, and I usually don't have time to blog here.

School is rapidly coming to a close, but some would say not rapidly enough. Our grades go in next friday. Our last day of school is june 23. You might be saying, WTF? I know I was. How on earth am I supposed to motivate whatever kids choose to come (and we're already down to about 50%) to do ANYTHING let alone stop them from being destructive?

At our last teacher meeting (and didn't I leave business to avoid meetings? Dammit.), I decided to ask the other science teachers if they wanted to plan our last two weeks together. Share the misery, as it were. Our department chair was out that day, so, being the ENTJ that I am, I just took over. So, now, the last two weeks look like the best weeks of the year. We're doing all sorts of fun stuff - gameshows, olympics, orienteering, making things go boom - and keeping it science. And if no kids show, well, that's just fine! We'll still have each other to talk to!

~~~~~

On the home front, all is well. The moth just turned 6 last week. On his birthday, I played "Birthday" by the Beatles to wake the boys up. I started singing "you say it's your birthday!" and Tim rolls over, out of sleep, and says "FINALLY!" What a cutie :)

He really is, though. Lately, the kids are really into John Williams music, since I bought them a 4 disk set. I have heard the theme song to Jaws about 10000 times; stinky adores it. But the best was when John and I were sitting in the living room and mothy runs through to the bathroom. All is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly we hear the theme song to Star Wars. John turns to me and says "I guess everything came out ok." all deadpan. He's like that.

Sean has been working off a debt - he lost one of the two way radios we let him use, AGAIN. We let the boys roam pretty wildly in the back "meadow/forest", but we need to be able to contact them. (We used to let Sean roam the neighborhood with the radio until the time he called us about the white van without windows following him. Seriously. Sheesh, I have to stop watching LMN.) Anyhow, Sean has all these pockets in his cargo pants, but carries the radio in his hand. Puts it down to take a leak and forgets it. First time, we forgave. Second time, he's working off the debt to buy another one.

He works off the debt by picking up dog poop, of which we now have copious amounts. He actually enjoys running the vacuum, which is weird. But he's getting there. He is so excited for school to end, it's not funny. He hates school. Sad but true.

Tim, on the other hand, loves school, and his "cheachers". "Tim, it's TEACHER, t-t-teacher." "Oh, it starts with T? OK. T-t-cheacher."

Reminds me of c-c-c-bookie, Ron.

~~~~~

Another may done, another june to begin. Memorial day has passed and once again I stopped by to say hey to many of the ancestors. It's weird, but I actually like doing that. Kind of a - thanks for living and making it so I could too - gesture. Next year I think I'll take stinky with me. He'll groove on the graveyards, I think. But for now, it's a pilgrimage for mom and me. Makes her awfully sad, which I can understand. They're her brothers and sisters, her husband and parents. I think it makes her feel lonely. But I think she likes to do it, anyhow.

Hope you're all, all 3 of you who still look here once in a while, doing well. Maybe I'll stop by again sometime and let you know what the toilet song of the week is. (This week, it's Axel F. You know, from beverly hills cop and recently used in Monsters Vs Aliens. What can I say, my kids are weird, just like me.)

(*)>

Hanging My Beak In Shame!

OK, so I haven't blogged well in a long time, if ever. But, well, whatever. I have put up several pics from the last months over at photobucket, albums "winter to spring", "christmas pageant 2008" (never mind that it's Easter...) and Loki.

Loki is our new pup. He's Titus's cousin. We went to meet him in early march, and he looked like this.



Now, he looks like this.


And he lives up to his namesake.

We have had this past week off, so I have done all the things that have been sitting around, like blogging and taxes and such. We even visited John's family and went to the aquarium. Am I really this gray? Sheesh.

Speaking of gray, my mom went home last month. But uploading my pics, I found this on. Yes, it's true. I got Grandma Harvey to use the computer. Here is proof, for posterity.

And now, everything is done, just in time for school to come back. 10 more weeks. It's gonna fly!

(*)>

The Height of Irony?

So, recently our neighborhood went to single stream recycling. Yipee. I had 4 different bins I used for recycling; I kept only 2. One of these was a big blue plastic garbage can.

It was pretty obvious that it held recycling. Cans, bottles, plastic, cardboard. No bags. But others kept putting bags in it, and then when went to put out recycles, I'd have to pull the garbage out (ick), move it to the garbage cans, dump my recycles, then go wash my hands several times. 

I solved the problem. I wrote "recycle" on the can, with the cute little arrows. Now everyone in my household knows it's recycling!

The garbage men, however, didn't understand the message, and they recycled my can. 

Back to square one.

~~~~~

My husband sent me an email before he left work for grocery shopping: "anything you need at the store toady?"

Now, if I were truly the venemous harridan I purport, my answer should have been, "Just a dictionary for you, my typing-challenged friend."

Instead, I answered: "Since when have I been your toady?" To which he verbally replied (after I made a great deal of being quite obsequious and pandering)... do you know where that term comes from?  I didn't.

Apparently, in olden times, when charlatans roamed the earth (instead of cable television), they would hawk their cures and wares with a little help of an assistant. The assistant would eat a toad, which everyone knew was a recipe for death, and then the charlatan would heal him! So, the old word for shyster-side-kick was toad-eater. Eventually, the guy who would do anything to suck up to the guy in charge was called the toad-eater, or toady.

There's your etymology for the day. The whole conversation has made me want to go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail - the "she's a witch" scene, if you know what I mean.

(*)>

Lazy Saturday?

Lazy Saturday? What the hecks is that?

So, the boys are off to the Pinewood Derby today. John found out last night that the Jurassic Avenger is not eligible for competition since it ran last year. Alas, the Rogers family  goes unrepresented today.

I did start the day early, however. Around 5, I heard a call "Mommee!! Mommee!!" By the time I woke up and heard it was outside, well, I was awake. Then it made no sense, so I listened further.

Damned feral cats. First they give Stinky nightmares (he keeps dreaming that they are "feasting" on him.). Now they decide to get busy in my driveway on a Saturday morning. Well, it sounded like they had a good time anyhow.

Glad someone enjoyed it.

To give myself some luxury, I watched some TV - and the kids came down so we watched Brady Bunch. Do you remember the episode with Buddy Hinton? "Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk!" That episode SPOKE to me, man, since I had such a horrible lisp. 

Nowadays it speaks to me again. Mr. Brady, Mr. I'm All Reason Brady, gets so frustrated with Mr. Hinton that he coaches Peter on how to box. Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Blessed Are The Peacemakers Brady, cheers Peter on and brings the Gatorade. 

If this sitcom were made today, reason would have won the argument. Reason rarely loses in TVLand today. But, if this sitch was in reality, there would have been text messaging, someone getting jumped, and plenty of suspensions handed round. 

I guess we can say that the Brady Bunch was Keepin It Real (or, as some of my students would say, "real rap").

Now I'm off to buy some "large beads" for an Avagadro's Number activity. Real rap.

(*)>

Winter

Look around, Leaves are brown, there's a patch of snow on the ground.

Well, not really, but it is cold as a witch's nose (which witch? Well, stinky has been playing the homophone game for weeks now since he learned that word. They're fun when they like to learn!). 

It's not as cold here, however, as it is at my sister's house. 30 below where she hails. Sounds lovely. My mom said talking to Kathy made her feel like going outside in a bathing suit because it's positively temperate here in comparison.

Yep, my mother is braving the house of Rogers again. We've no laundry to do, my house is clean and neat, and when Moth was sick this week, she stayed with him.

Speaking of moth, check this out. Kid psychology. Please look at numbers 6 and 7. Snert. He's my kid, for sure!

Besides Tim puking his guts up for the last 3 days (!), we've been well. I have some school stories to write that are kind of fun, but mostly, I'm just keeping up these days. I haven't run regularly in weeks and the less I run the more tired I get. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

John and I went out last night to a restaurant whose name we thought at first was Mala. I thought, who would name their restaurant "bad"? Well, we braved it anyway. I ate something called "Viking Village Scallops." Why do they have to name things like that? They were quite yummy, and if it hadn't been a whopping 8 degrees last night, I might've even gone raping and pillaging afterwards. Unfortunately, I was just too cold. Not a viking after all, I suppose.

I also recorded a BBC miniseries this week called "Lost in Austen". As I am an Austen fanfic... errr... fan, and a fan of the lead actress (she was in a great miniseries called Hex), I gave it a whirl. It was OK, really just a mary sue, but the thing that got me was another major character was a lead character from Hex also. Is Britain really that small?

Well, I'm off to write up my school stories. They are fun in a "please pummel me about the head with a blunt instrument" kind of way. Stay tuned... But for your fun first, while I write these up, please watch my favorite Kingston Trio song. 

Completely round is the perfect pearl the oyster manufactures.
Completely round is the steering wheel that leads to compound fractures
Completely round is the golden fruit that hangs from the o-o-orange tree
Yes the circle shape is quite renown
But sad to say it can be found
In the lowdown, dirty run-around
That my true love gave to me
That my true love gave to me

Completely square is the little box he said my ring would be in
Completely square is the envelope he said good-bye to me in
Completely square is the handkerchief I flourish constantly
As I dry my eyes of the tears I've shed,
And blow my nose which turns bright red
For a perfect square is my true love's head
He will not marry me, no
He will not marry me

Rectangular is the hotel door my true love tried to sneak through
Rectangular is the transom hole by which I had to peek through,
Rectangular is the hotel room I entered angrily, and
Rectangular is the wooden box
Where lies my love neath the golden phlox
They say he died of the chicken pox
In part I must agree
One chick too many had he

Triangular is the piece of pie I eat to ease my sorrow
Triangular is the hatchet blade I plan to hide tomorrow
Triangular the relationship which now has ceased to be
And triangular is the garment thin
That fastens on with a safety pin
To a prize I had no wish to win
It's a lasting memory
That my true love gave to me

(*)>

General Updates

Tis the season... for kids to be rowdy. Stinky and the Moth are burning off enough energy to light NYC for a day whirling around the house like dervishes. The kids at school are about the same.

How do you teachers do this year after year? It's enough to make me dislike holidays!

We have had a knifing in the bathroom this week and a bomb threat. (That's new for us - more a suburb thing.) More to the point though is that I have about 60% attendance at any one time. I'm not sure what to do with it! But I just teach the same lesson twice. Most kids who are there both times just work ahead; the rest don't pay attention either time.

I tell you - the sentence for egotism should be teaching high school. They'll straighten you out fast as to your importance in the world!!

John has started the steps to go back to school. He's terrified that his job will be gone in less than 5 years. He's probably right. But he'll be fine. He's smart and he works hard. I wish he'd have a little more confidence in himself. He's had mr. doom cloud over his head for months, but now that he's moving forward down a path, he's back to being the John I know. That's probably the best Christmas gift I could ask for!

The tree is up, the lights are up, and we went for a two-horse open wagon ride through a luminary-lit neighborhood last night. Life is good. Hope the same for anyone who wanders this way.

(*)>

Whaz Happenin

It's almost December. Although time does not fly, I can't believe it's almost December.

Stinky is about to turn 8. He reaches my chin already. Of course, I'm vertically challenged. But still. The moth is up to my... errr... chest. But Sean somehow got to practically eye height while I blinked. How'd he do that? Just today we were remembering some of the things he used to say... like...

When he was little Sean had a boat (in his imagination). If he liked you you were "on his boat", and if he didn't or you made him mad, you were "off his boat." If there was something you liked... say a movie or something... he had that on his boat, only better.

I always wondered, at the time, how parents could look fondly back on those endless, tiring years. But what do you know? I'm looking back fondly. Weird.

The house of Bird is cold. We keep the heat down and global warmening seems to have stalled this year. I went running this morning and froze my fingers. I had gloves on, but still lost feeling about 2 miles out. Had to turn around and beat feet home. And the sun was up and everything. Bummer.

School is school. Violence is down; class attendance is up. I still can't teach my way out of a paper bag. I can't seem to get across that protons are positive, electrons are negative, neutrons are neutral. 70% of my kids still don't get that. And I'm supposed to move on to bonding. I can't reteach this stuff anymore. They just don't get it.

It's frustrating, really very much so. But at the same time, it's more frustrating when they won't do anything, for the most part, and then get mad when I fail them. Like, what the hell? This isn't poetry. You can't listen and expect to understand. But they think they can. They think that they can listen a few minutes, chat the rest of class, and still get enough info to pass. The combination of (baseless) arrogance and apathy is toxic.

Enough of that.

I've been reading the chronicles of Eve Dallas in my spare time these days. I read some a few years ago, but Ms. Smith sure can churn them out!! I love this character, and it's enough romance and sci-fi to take me away better than Calgon ever could.

(*)>

FIRE!!

Updates updates...

First, on the school front. Well, I did my first real lab yesterday. 5 tests - acid, base, water, electric conductivity, and flame test - on a series of elements from around the periodic table. Period 2 was fine. Period 3 was great. Period 5 was really good.

Period 6 lit my garbage can on fire.

Of course, another teacher happened to be there when it happened. English teachers don't understand the fun of fire. He was pale and scared. I got to use my fire extinguisher! I was revved. And pissed. One of the students asked me if they were my worst class. I said, "yes." Then I mitigated, "I don't have anything against any of you as individuals. But as a group, we're chaos. Chaos and labs don't mix. You're not doing labs. You'll do worksheets when my other classes do labs."

The kid who lit the fire? I'm betting he doesn't make it back to school for a while. Those kids were MAD that they didn't get to play with the lab stuff.

It was never really that dangerous. It was contained in a metal garbage can. Besides, the science wing is far off on the side of the building, and is mostly empty. Damage there is easily contained. Schools are designed that way, usually, because science is dangerous. And fun. Don't think so? Go check out the fun these blokes are having, especially with any of the group 1 elements. Try potassium (K). I can't show these in school because youtube is blocked. Damn porn.

So back to that portion of the school being isolated. Because most of the labs are empty, the kids like to hang out up there. They stole a bunch of keys, among them a science wing master. Every once in a while we find evidence of B&E. Used condoms are among the evidence. Ewww. I mean, seriously. Think back to your science lab. Ewww.

This year, my boss heard some noise and caught 2 boys in one of the empty labs. It was dark. She pulled them out and wrote them up. She knew there were most likely two girls in the room, but it was better this way. Detention/suspension is nothing compared to the idea of getting caught in one of the labs with another boy for most of these guys. Holy crow, they were fired up at the implication that they were... hanging out together. She just smiled as she wrote the slips. They couldn't turn in the girls if they ever wanted to "hit that", but now their reps were questioned. A win-win if you ask me.

I was telling my husband this story, not knowing that stinky was around the corner, listening. I suspected he was around; he is most of the time these days. So I obviously used round about terms. The next day, Sean says to John, "I thought Mom's story was funny." John was like, "what story?" Stinky replies, "the one about the two boys dancing in the room. They were dancing with girls but the teacher made it sound like they were dancing with each other. Now everybody thinks they like to dance with boys." He giggles.

Little pitchers have big ears. I have never understood the source of that saying, but man, my pitcher has the biggest ears ever.

The boys are both fine. Soccer today - but it's rainy and Moth man has been sick all week. So he's not going. We got their pictures back this week. Classics. Stinky's shirt already has gook on it and Moth, well, it's not his best pic, that's all. Typical elementary pics. They're doing well, and EXCITED for halloween. Tim's a skeleton and sean is a zombie. Look for pics next week! Yeah right, ok, maybe next month! Next year?

(*)>