flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

October 19, 2007

In Time For Halloween

Depending on your scare level, or tolerance for fake scary stuff, this will make you shiver, laugh, or bored out of your mind.



Silly Post

So I was watching this new show on television – VH1, actually – the other day: America's Most Smartest Model.

It’s a reality show which pits the intellect of 20 or so beautiful people against each other for the prize of $100,000 and the title of “America’s Most Smartest Model”. Some of the models are not American, so I’m not sure exactly how that works. But anyhow.

Here’s the first round of the spelling bee. Please note that the words for the contestants got more personal (and sometimes quite mean) as the competition went on. The final words were incredibly hard – some of these cats are quite bright. Anyhow, I watched all 2 hours of the first 2 eps because I enjoy watching car crashes, I suppose. Voyeur, thy name is birdwoman.


And here’s some Arbor Astrology for you; I’m a hornbeam, apparently, though I’m not sure who the exotic lovers are. Perhaps Andre from AMSM?

What tree did you fall FROM? Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate. Then send it to your friends, including the one that sent it to you, so they can find out what tree they fell from, but don't forget to change the subject line to your tree. Find your tree below and see what you are like ...

Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree

TREES (in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets,sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant,friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, sexually oriented, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.



Serious Post

It seems that the Boy Scouts’ woes are not over. Yes, the supremes said they could discriminate against gays and atheists. But now, cities are taking steps to protect themselves.

The Cradle of Liberty den (of which Stinky is now a member) has its official HQ in a pretty building downtown. The building belongs to the city because it’s on city land. The scouts built the building in the 20’s. Since then, the city has demanded $1 per annum lease.

Now, as the city cannot show preferential treatment to organizations who openly discriminate, they are
raising the rent to $200,000 per year.

I am certain that the Cradle of Liberty den couldn’t give a squat about gays or atheists being scouts. But the national charter is what governs them. So they are in a bind.

Give up the property? Or drop services?

My uneasy feeling is that about $200,000 worth of summer camp for needy kids is going to go missing this year.

So who pays in the end for this little stand? I am not a scout, so I can’t say what they should do. But I do think it’s a daggone shame.


And for another political hullabaloo, let’s talk about “the war.”

I’ve noticed the old peace-nicks haunting the town square on Saturday mornings recently. “End The War”, “Impeach Bush”: the usual blazing placards. They don’t bother me except they entreat people to honk their horns, which I find a nuisance. However,
they’ve been given a run for their money in local West Chester. It makes me wonder how people really feel about the war.

John’s been watching
The War on TV. I look at “The War” and I look at our war, and I am stymied. The stuff we do now is NOTHING compared to what we did then. Nothing. And yet, we as a society, look back on that as the “greatest generation”. If they were measured by today’s ruler…

Saddam Hussein was One Evil Bastard. He put people in plastic shredders. He used CHEMICAL WEAPONS on his own people. And all the people on the corner can shout about is Abu Ghraib? Yes, that was bad. But comparing that to what we’ve uncovered over there? We've found dozens of MASS GRAVES for goodness sakes.

I simply cannot understand why people aren’t willing to remark that we are doing at least SOME good in this war.

A gentleman on the radio (Mark Steyn?) expressed it better than I ever could yesterday morning. What he said was basically this: When you’re at war, you have to be able to declare an enemy. In the progressive mind, people are not the enemy. Poverty, injustice, oppression: these are the enemy. Also, you have to have a hero. If you consistently point out the mote in your own eye, and compare it unfavorably to the beam in the eye of he who is truly the enemy (forgive me for borrowing a biblical analogy), you will never be able to call yourself the hero.

So, I guess our healthy self-deprication is what keeps us from supporting what is, I truly think, a good cause?

I wish I knew.



October 16, 2007

Views from the Dusty Aviary

So, I had to stop for petrol the other morning. As I’m dutifully holding the nozzle at low speed (to minimize fumes and maximize liquid throughput), I note an addition to the pump.

They’ve put in TELEVISION screens on top of the pump. Like I need to be inundated with more television the 5 minutes I’m there getting gas. But whatever.

As you can imagine, it was mostly ads. But interspersed were a weather forecast, traffic report, and some news items. One news item particularly caught my eye. It seems that airports are looking to different technology to screen passengers and their carry-on luggage. According to the news report, they’re going to use electromagnetic waves instead of radiation to search for bad objects.

(if you don’t get the absurdity of this, please
go here.)

Speaking of commercials and gas pumps, though, I saw a new ad (to me, and it’s not on youtube yet, sorry). It was for the Saturn hybrid SUV. Very clever ad, for the most part. It starts out saying how we all like to indulge – showing people in a Sam’s Club type place; a kid putting too much ketchup on his burger; a person who bought a flat screen tv bigger than his wall. Then it shows someone filling up her SUV at the pump and looking miserable. The camera pans to a couple in a hybrid Saturn Vue looking at that poor, suffering woman with a smile. Then, the voice-over talks about how the Vue gives you good gas mileage and the size vehicle you want.

It’s a brilliant commercial, until the closing line, which was something like this: “Instead of super-sizing, try super-right-sizing.”

I don’t know about most of you, but to me, and to most who have been tinged with the auto industry, right-sizing is the latest fancy word for downsizing which was the 5-minutes-ago word for layoffs. You’d think a GM company would be more sensitive than that.

Speaking of right-sized companies :), for those who have been following the saga, my days at Spaceley’s are finally finitely numbered. I’ve been offered a job in my new profession of choice and will be saying sayonara 12/15. I’ve managed to reclaim some sanity recently, not that I had much to begin with. But bitterness is completely gone. And after going through the right sizing we had (we cut our workforce, but not our work load, and definitely not our upper management, in half), that’s saying something.

In other news, it seems that
Philadelphia has started a feud with Baltimore over who gets Poe’s body (or what’s left of it). It’s getting dirty. I never knew Baltimore was the syphilis capital of the world!


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October 09, 2007

No Left Turns

Sorry for the continued light posting. What can I say? Not much to say! However, someone sent me this lovely piece of journalism today, and I thought I'd share. Consider it my "must read of the day":

My father never drove a car...

Now, as far as lovely advice goes, my husband sent me this. I have one comment: this advice-seeker has never noticed why the plain-Janes get what she wants. Perhaps, just perhaps, they bring more than beauty to the mix? Ah, well, whoever gets her probably deserves her.


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