flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

June 26, 2006

Free Time

Just because I said there would be no updates, I thought I’d out-do myself and actually post.

I can post because John brought the bird-top to Seattle! So I can refresh my playlist on my shuffle!! (can you believe I heard the whole thing on the flights out here?!)

Seattle is quite rather! I am predisposed to like the place, because I love misty rain. And of course, it’s sunny and 85-90 every day we’re here. I’m not going to complain. I can see Rainier from the city – makes me want to climb it. Yes, I’m one of those. But I’d be awfully afraid to come down. So I guess I’ll restrain myself.

I’ve taken many lovely pictures with my new camera (finally gave in after the last development job cost $15) so that I could share my sojourns with my husband as he recovers from hours of chemistry lectures. I’d post them here, but I use his picture posting ability, and, well, he’s still hacked!

We’re in the U of W area, and I’m glad, because it’s forcing me to find my way through the city. The city is a neat mix – it’s like New Orleans with its spicy mix of cultures and cool market squares surrounded by dangerous neighborhoods.It’s got this rebel attitude (I’ve never seen more black in my life), and the people are, from what I’ve discerned, caustic, with solid working class roots beneath the sarcasm. I like it.

I don’t like their vagrant problem, though. The roaches infest every street. They need to do something about that if they’re really hopeful to draw a tourism industry. In a city surrounded by Kenmore, Microsoft, Google, Kimberly Clarke, CostCo, and other huge operations, there’s no reason to have poverty. I know it sounds completely mean, but I think these people are mostly homeless by choice. If they got more snow here, I bet a lot of them would find homes. Works like a charm in Philly. Thus endeth the soapbox speech.

I’m going to go catch a bus to Ballard and check out
Archie McPhee. Want me to pick you up anything? Too late!


June 23, 2006


John’s blog has been hacked. He’s now advertising some dating service. And the bastiges changed his blogger password. So if you go there for updates, you’ll get some doozies.

On a side note, we’re off on vacation this week (Seattle, here I come!!). Not like you expect regular updates anymore, but there will be none. So there.



Aloha Breeze

It’s been a sauna in Philly the last week. (Yeah, summer’s here!) Our air conditioner is over 10 years old (it wasn’t new when we moved in), and it has a bit of a challenge (business speak) keeping our house cool. So we help it along with fans.

Our box fan died a bitter death Tuesday night. So, I asked John to stop by Wal-Mart and pick us up a new one.

He picked up the Aloha Breeze.

All I can say about this fan is, on its lowest setting, we felt like we were getting ready to bomb Canterbury or something. Maybe drop behind enemy lines. At random intervals in the night, one of us would say “Geronimo!” or “Banzai!” and then giggle.

I purchased our trusty Patton fan at Wal-Mart probably 8 years ago. It’s a fantastic, heavy duty, quiet fan. About 2 years later, I tried to get some of them for my mom. I did get her ones that looked like the one I have, and were reasonably good, but were obviously of a cheaper make. The Patton that QUICKLY replaced the Aloha Breeze is snazzily colored, but is not the quality of our good Patton, or even the ones I got for Mom. I am thoroughly disgusted.

But at least I won’t feel like I’m joining the mile-high club any time soon.



June 09, 2006

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

So, I'm getting ready to go to work this morning, when Stinky runs in the house.

"Dad, I just killed all the crack plants!"

My head did that little dog-tilt, you know, like Nipper on the old RCA labels? Then I looked out the window.

He'd pulled all the weeds from the sidewalk cracks.

(of course, we all know crack doesn't come from plants. No siree. That's "better living through chemistry," dontcha know?)



June 08, 2006

Killing Pests

When I was a kid, on the farm, we had a dog. Her name was Angel, and she was a great dog. We also had carpeting. A dog who runs on a farm and stays in a carpeted house is going to bring friends over, no matter how many flea-collars you use.

Fleas are a pain in the butt. They’re these little black dots that jump really really high, bite a lot, procreate like mad (their eggs can live for 24 hours, so if you poison, you’ve got to poison at least twice), and they’re really hard to kill.

You can squish and squeeze between your fingers as hard as you can: let up the pressure, and the little bugger starts moving around again. But, eventually, you figure out how to angle your thumbnail just right with the pad of your finger, and you kill that little bastard.

There’s a sick sense of satisfaction seeing that severed flea’s body. Especially as y our bites are itching.

I had that feeling today when I watched the news.

Bon voyage, al-Zarqawi! Hope it’s way too warm in your new locale! Sorry about the raisins!


The Further Adventures of Mothman!

Daddy picked me up at school, and there was water coming from the sky on the way home. Bummer. Can’t go outside.

Oh, hey, cars! And trucks! My favorite! I’m going to run them over Dad’s legs. Why does he get so mad when I do that? Hey! Ants! There are ants living in my toybox! Dad will LOVE this, he loves animals! Wait? What’s he doing? Why is he throwing my toybox outside?? WAAAAH!

Oh, here comes Mom! She’s back from wherever she goes! She’ll play with me!

Unless she’s going to read a book. Bummer. But she did say I could go upstairs and play. Like there’s anything cool up in my room. I wonder how many times I can get her to talk to me if I go up the stairs really, really slowly?

Oh, hey! Stinky’s up here, too! Yeah! My brother is cool. Except when he won’t play with me. Like now.

Never mind. I’m going to find new stuff to do today. I’m tired of my toys. What’s on this shelf? My diapers. Balmex. Powder… I like powder! Feels good in my diaper. Maybe it will make my bed feel good! Hey, if I squeeze this, a big cloud happens! Stinky thinks it’s cool too! He’s playing with me! And he looks really funny with white hair.

Oh, man, the powder’s almost all gone. But my room sure smells nice.

Why is Mom screaming? Why is she yelling at me and wiping all the nice powder off of me and off the furniture? She’s so mean. Aack! She’s brought out that machine that sucks things up! Maybe she’s gonna suck ME up! Evil!

Oh, hey, Suppertime! My favorite! Except after ssert, when I have to go to bed. That’s a bummer.

Oh, hey, music! This is my favorite CD! I can sing all the songs way after Mom and Dad even go to try to sleep in their room!

… Stay tuned for further adventures, when the Tood (“I not a baby, I Timmy-Tude!”) has his first encounter with the dentist! Will the moth be drawn to the light? (no, actually, he hated the light til my very smart dentist put sunglasses on him!) Will he fear the dentist’s implements of torture? (no, actually, he really liked the sucky thing!) Will he scream bloody murder as Stinky did? (no, actually, until Mom dropped him off at daycare!)