flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

My Photo
Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

June 30, 2012

Because I am a moron

I used to be a really fat person. I lost quite a lot of weight on weight watchers, and through running.

Once a year I get hurt. Every time, I gain about 5 more pounds, even though I get back to running. This time, I hurt my foot (last summer) and it never quite healed. I've gained so much weight it's just disgusting.

So I started back on weight watchers this week.

I'm going on vacation next week.

Go figure.


So, I went to a wedding today. Actually, we missed the wedding. We were confounded by New Jersey, yet again. But it's all good.

Actually, let me say a few things about Jersey. I don't get why all of the electric poles (not ones with lights, just poles) have solar panels on them.

I don't get why the turnpike is ALWAYS being built and rebuilt seven ways to sunday. Nor do I get why every road has signs that say "this way to the turnpike", no matter which direction you're going in.

It's like they want to take your money... you know, you always have to pay to get out of jersey... this is not such a stretch.

So, we're at the wedding. The DJ is clueless. He's playing the weirdest list of wedding tunes I've ever heard. You disbelieve? I'll write down some of them:
       -Billy Jean (is not my lover?? please?)
       - Shook Me All Night Long (complete with strippers riding mechanical bulls)
      - Put a ring on it, beyonce. Or betwice. Whatever her name is, it obviously worked for her, and the bride.
       - I can't get no satisfaction (Is this the groom's song, or the bride's?)

It went on and on and on... I put my hands up in the air sometimes... wait, I was just channeling one of the appropriate songs (dynamite). But the food was excellent (see beginning of post. I ate all the veggies and gave my cake to my boys.) And the boyos had a good time.

And now, I'm off to see who's playing in Bryn Mawr this week. Maybe it will have some inappropriate wedding song! Or that "let's go make a family" song (always) which always gets played at weddings though I cannot imagine a more smarmy come-on line.

(*)>  (i throw my wings up in the air some times, singing ay-oh, gotta let go... oh crap now that song is in my head!)

June 22, 2012

An ode to The Best Dog Ever

His name is Titus.

Once upon a time, the dusty aviary had no children in it. Just two "adults" and two pooches. Scout was first - a mutt with an attitude. Howard was next - the sweetest mutt, but dumb as a doorknob.

Now, when Howard was about a year old, he developed a very strange cancer. We tried to get him treated, but he died unbelievably quickly. Within 2 weeks after he started acting strangely, he passed in our living room. Birdman was devastated. So, we decided to get another dog to replace him. And, though we were decidedly not purebred folk, we decided to go with a Border Collie. I think the influence on this was the Scots farmer with his dogs on the train in Scotland. They were just amazing dogs. We wanted to see if American borders were similar.

Who could resist this pup?

Titus is the smartest dog. He caught a rabbit by TRAPPING it. Not simply chasing it. In his prime, he was the fastest tennis ball chaser east of the Mississippi. He could catch that thing out of nowhere. When Stinky was little, we were once up at Harvey County, playing ball with Titus. Another dog came out and tried to play, too. Titus wasn't mean about it, but that dog was not serious enough. Stinky agreed, Nother Dog needed to stop interrupting the ball game!

Titus loves Harvey County. He loves to get in the pond (indeed he also loves to get in the stream behind our house) and chase the water dogs. He does this weird thing where he splashes the water and tries to viciously catch the droplets that come up.

He's great, but he's certainly strange.

He also has horrible luck. When he was a pup, he almost died eating a treat I got from the pet store. It was a chewy that splintered. Another time, up at Harvey County, he was bitten by a rabid raccoon. No joke. The thing came out of the swamp, marched across my mother's yard, and bit Titus on the butt, when he was tied up in the yard. Another time he broke a tiny bone in his foot playing fetch. It almost made him into a tripod. But modern surgery (and a second mortgage) saved the leg.

Now, Titus is ailing. He is mostly blind and deaf. He hurts too much to go up even those back porch steps into our house (see picture at top). It is a horrific choice, but I think we are going to ease his way into his next adventure. I've watched a dog die a nasty, awful death. I've watched one get so old and full of cancer that her life was misery. Titus is, and will always be, our dog, our friend, our brilliant pup. But it's time to let him go.

We will miss him, and remember him forever as the best dog, ever.