flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

March 30, 2008

What Are We Teaching Our Children?!

This week, we're Mothless. My in-laws have taken the moth away, gods bless their souls. Stinky's an only child for a week.

So, BirdDad has been reading mythology books to Stinky. Stinky totally grooves on wars and fights and mythology. Kinda like his mom. Anyhow, they have recently been reading Perseus.

For those who've seen Clash of the Titans (and if Vic ever reads this blog, I know he's one of them), you'll remember that Perseus was Zeus's son. Perseus's mom was a beauty by the name of Danae.

Danae's dad kept her locked in a tower to protect her virtue from the ways of men. But apparently he didn't think about the ways of Gods. Zeus, being the horn dog that he is, found out about Danae and decided to "hit that", as my students would say. According to the book my husband is reading to my son, Zeus appeared to Danae as a "golden shower."

A golden shower? I'm not a bacchanal, but I've heard that term before, and it soitenly wasn't holy in its application. In fact, I expect that there should be a "bow chick-a bow bow" music in the background. Which leads me to wonder... what are we teaching him?!

And now, I'm wondering how many google hits I'm going to get for this post. Ah, well.



March 19, 2008

Kid Games

So, I was playing with Mothman today. He has the coolest hands with long, fine fingers. I picked up his hand and pulled on each finger in turn, coming out of the dregs of my memory was... "Tom Thumberland, John Gogland, Long Jericho, Edica Williams, and Piccowolicky..." (the p word is repeated a few times and the belly of the kid is tickled.) Did anyone else ever do something like that? I searched the net and didn't see anything close.

How about Trot Trot? "Trot trot to Boston to buy a loaf of bread. Trot trot home again, the old horsie's dead." (we bounce the kid on our knee, then when the horsie "dies" we drop him to the floor). There's a trot trot to boston thing out there, but it doesn't go the same way. Well, we were a morbid bunch up in Lemon, weren't we?!

For my brothers and sisters, did I miss any others? I already taught Stinky (mostly to the tune of Old Gray Mare) "great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey's meat, little dirty birdy feet, bloody eyeballs rolling down the dusty street, that's what I had for lunch... and me without my spoon".

For the rest of you, what were your kid games?



March 16, 2008

For Some Strange Reason

I woke up with the Gilligan's Island themesong in my head. I read somewhere that the original words ended up like this:

"With Gilligan, the Skipper too, a millionaire and his wife, a movie star and the rest! Here on Gilligan's Isle"

If I were the professor or Maryanne, I'd be ticked. They could fit in all those other folks and not the last two? I guess the writers changed their minds, though, since we now have the doc and the pothead added to the end.

You don't know what I mean by pothead? She's serving time for possession etc in Idaho, of all places.


So, I've been stocking up on shows that I think my kids will like for those nasty rainy days this summer. I've already got The New Adventures of Zorro, and this morning, I ordered Conan the Adventurer. Yes, I have little boy taste. I always have had. Now my stinky and moth are being molded in my image. Mwa ha ha ha!!



March 15, 2008

Spring Break!!

So, it's spring break for our schools this week - both mine and Stinky's. I'm typing in my pajamas right now, and I'm actually almost relaxing. Except there are 4 people trying to talk to me at the same time. I have enough of that during the week, thank you very much.

I'm thinking about investing in a keyboard - I miss piano. Has anyone ever tried a Casio CDP-100? I found one for a decent price ($400) but that's a mighty big chunk of change if it's not a decent keyboard.

We have Grandma with us for a little less than 2 more weeks. The moth has picked up so many of her "grandma-isms". "Actually", a lot of what he says is "nonsense". Two new favorite words, in STEREO from 2 family members. Actually, it's kind of funny. :)

I have survived 6 weeks at my school. This week, I had a lovely young lady in full muslim gear try to hit me with my door, then threaten to kick my ass. What a wonderful cherub! Of course, as she was covered in full burka, I could see nothing but her eyes. Her friend was kind enough to say, "Jasmine, be quiet!" I said, "Jasmine. Hmm. Thanks!" At which point they knew I would go to the school police to report threats and attempted assault against a teacher, and I now had a name and a pretty good ID.

We have a new principal (third of the year) who is very Joe Clark like. He's really cracking down on kids in the hallway. Then again, a new broom sweeps clean, so they say. It's not all bad, in fact a lot of it is good. My kids make me laugh, which is nice.


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A Night Out

So my friend Lizzy came and rescued me from my perpetual state of craziness for a few hours last night. I went to the movies for the first time since last summer! We saw Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day, which neither of us had heard of before. It was very fun, mostly innocent, fantastic soundtrack, and generally a good escape.

The last time I went out, I saw Becoming Jane... So I guess movies must be tied to Jane Austen for me. Though Miss P starred Frances McDormand (in a very Emma Thompson role) and Amy Adams, there were several Austen connections. Both Mr. Knightley and Captain Wentworth showed up. I'm getting used to seeing Mark Strong as a bad guy after Stardust, but Ciaran Hinds has never been a romantic lead to me, even as Mr. Rochester. In this role, he totally pulls it off!

Finally, there was this one really annoying character. Every time she opened her mouth, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard. My Lizzy is an opera singer, so she was especially offended. But I was certain I had seen/heard her before. And I had. Moaning Myrtle.

Very fun night. Thanks Lizzy!