flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

March 29, 2006

Porcupine Eggs and Other Interesting Tidbits

I was recently informed by Stinky that we have porcupines in our backyard. We must, you see, because he has found the hatched porcupine eggs. (There' s some kind of nut casing that's rather prickly... and the next logical step is porcupine eggs!)

It is so cool to see how little minds work.

Like, the other day, when he found the hole that Daiwok the Dog dug in the back yard. I saw him jumping in it and shaking his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“He didn’t finish it.”

“Finish what?”

“Titus didn’t finish the hole. I jumped in, but I’m still here. When it’s finished, I’ll be able to jump to China.”

My mom loves babies and toddlers. But I think five is a pretty darn cool age.



Celebrating Mediocrity

Bob: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
Bob: It's not a graduation. He's moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Helen: It's a ceremony!
Bob: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity...
-from the Incredibles

It started with the innocuous “new song.”

“Mama, do you want to hear the new song we’re learning?”

“Sure, Stinky.”

(off key with strange dance-like gestures) “I love you…. You looooove me…. We loooove each other like a family. Now we say good byyyyyyeeeee.”

(alarm bells ringing in my head)

“What are you learning that song for, Sean?”



Next came the order form. The cap and gown were $15 bucks, but they suggested the $20 package, which included the class ring.

Sean is 5. FIVE. He’s in DAYCARE (or, as some call it, preschool.)

Am I just a curmudgeon? I refuse to go celebrate this “graduation” when he’ll be going back to daycare the next week – he doesn’t start kindergarten until September.

I just think it’s strange to celebrate “preschool graduation.” I’m of the (very small) school that believes when you celebrate everything, there’s nothing left to do when something truly special happens.

So, I think either Dad or Mom will be taking off “graduation” day. And Sean and Tim will be pulled out of daycare. And we’ll go to the zoo.



March 03, 2006

I Am The World’s Luckiest Person

Sometimes I have to be reminded of that.

I’ve had a very stressful week. I’m at the end of my rope with my job, and that’s stretching into my life. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

And then, I got hit by another car on the way to work this morning.

We were all traveling slower than one normally sees on this interstate. What could have been a disaster was instead merely annoying. Sure, I’ll have to get the car fixed, but I’m fine. So is the other driver.

Suddenly, the job doesn’t seem quite so stressful.