flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

December 31, 2009

Cat Update

We have no cat.

The SPCA has termed us "bad pet owners" - one of our neighbors must volunteer there.

Seriously, though. Titus needs a shot, but our vet is kinda far away. We're waiting until Loki goes in for the big scoop and it'll be a two-fer.

Apparently, if you don't treat your pets as well as you'd treat your kids, or better, you're a bad pet owner. Which may be the case.

So I called an exterminator to get rid of the vole. We'll see.

In other "conform, comply, sumbit" news, the dirty bird and I have noticed a strange new trend. Everywhere you go - from the gas station to the grocery store - you will find a television screen blaring at you.

Do people have such a lack of electronic stimulus in their lives that they have cried out "we must have television as we shop!"? Methinks no. Instead I have a theory of convergences. Flat-screen monitors are cheap as dirt these days, as is internet for broadcasting whatever it is you want to broadcast.

On top of this, we are in the DVR/TiVO generation. No one watches ads at home, except maybe a few oldsters who aren't going to get out to shop. So advertisers have had to become more clever. They have to put in fancy product placements in shows (ever notice what kind of appliances the Food Network guys use? Or the kinds of bowls or pots? It's not grannny's old cast iron, that's 4 sure.) And now, for more advertising when you're at your most vulnerable, advertising while you're shopping.

Don't know about you, but I find it annoying. I like the silence and the smell of fumes as I pump gas, thank you. And I don't care what the latest uses for kale are.

But if it brings prices down, because it's more revenue for the markets?

Bring. It. On.


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December 29, 2009

Teaching the Right Stuff

One thing I really like about the after school program at my kids' school is that they hire both males and females of college age to play with the kids. The boys have guys to look up to - and they totally groove on that. All those boy activities, like Dodge Ball and Capture The Flag are played by boys and girls with enthusiasm.

One of the gents they hired this year is a long-haired hippie freak. He brings his guitar and plays songs for the kids - he's really neat.

One day, he put down his guitar and the other guy, we'll say he's a typical philly guy picked it up. He started playing the intro riff to Metallica's Enter Sandman. I was like "hey, teach 'em good music young!" We both started laughing.

Then one of the kids - not one of mine - started singing "hush little baby don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard..."

That's a little scary. A second grade Metallica fan. I thought I was bad letting my kids listen to Crazy Train and School's Out.

If any of the kids show up with tats, I'm going to start looking into private schools.


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Don't Tell Grandma Harvey!!

The Dusty Aviary has had an extra, uninvited guest this winter. It crawled under our "new room" (converted garage) and tunneled into the basement. We've put out traps; it doesn't nibble. I think it's a mole or something.

John has given up trying to trap it and doesn't want to use poison. He believes it's not a rat or mouse, and that's why our traps haven't even got a nibble. Poison wouldn't either. So, we have to call in a professional.

John and Sean are out picking out Cat today. I say Cat because we don't normally name cats, we just call them Cat. It works for us.

But don't tell Grandma. She's due down here in a few days, and she's already upset that we have 2 dogs. A cat would put her over the edge.

This winter looks like it's gonna be fun.



December 10, 2009


I am thinking about Mrs. King today. I put on the Rose of Sharon necklace she gave me - I only wear it around Christmas. It's very pretty.

Mrs. King was such a gracious, wonderful person. She was the wife of a minister who had retired - and his reward was to serve at our little church in Lemon for a number of years. Dr. King was also a great guy. He had been in so many places - served in times of war and strife, peace and prosperity. And by his side the whole time was Dallas King.

Mrs. King was refined. She always sat, ramrod straight, in her pew in the front of the church. She had to have a special cushion because her back was bad. But she didn't complain. She always had a smile for everyone. She used to invite the choir to her home for tea at Christmastime. That was an experience for us - high tea for our little choir. We had a great time.

The beautiful necklace I wear should be adorning their daughter's neck. Or her daughter's. But, sadly, their daughter was taken from them by a drunk driver. They had much sadness in their lives, but they were such a positive force, both individually and as a couple.

I remember them with respect and fondness, and hope that I can honor their memory.



December 09, 2009

Precosious Mothy

For his birthday, Stinky got Gilligan's Island - second season. John is of the belief that it is perfect third grade humor. The boys ADORE it. WHAtever.

So, at the table last night, I asked Sean, "who's your favorite character?".

"Gilligan." No hesitation. Tim agreed, "he's the funniest."

I then asked, "Who do you like better, Marianne or Ginger?" Again, without hesitation, Sean says "Marianne."

Tim agreed, "Yeah, I'd do her."

I did not mis-type. Now, I think he meant, he'd choose her in a contest. But... maybe not???

Sigh, they grow up so fast!


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December 03, 2009

Anger Management

So, I started out the day angry at everything that came in my direction. I started in to work, listening to the radio...

Radio station A talks about how Watson and Crick "discovered" the structure of DNA. No mention of how they took the work of Rosalind Franklin... grrrr... change the station...

On to Rick Santorum talking about how big Pharma is shooting themselves in the foot for no reason... Then he waxes poetic about how good Pfizer is... Pfizer that just took over Wyeth and is laying off people left and right. Change the channel.

What's todays news? They're talking about Tiger's philandering. Who The Hell Cares If He Boinked Every Woman From Florida To Canada And Back?!?!? Jeezus. News? Please?

So I turn back to the first channel which is talking about identity theft and how it happens and that gives me agita, so I go to another channel...

where they're talking about how 20,000 new people are signing up for food stamps What the dump?! They said some chick in Ohio has a paid in full 300k house and Mercedes. But she has low income, so she qualifies for aide. So I, who am still paying off my 150K house in PA, am giving HER food?? Do people have no shame??

So, I get to school and start to try to teach. My kids were working on a lab when two girls asked me to settle an argument. Ms R? How long do you have to wait to have sex after you have a baby? 6 weeks or 9 months?

I wanted to say: until you are 21 or can pay for a child yourself, but I did not. Instead, said, "I teach chemistry, not biology." And I went on my way.

is it saturday yet?


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