flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

April 27, 2010

Speed, anyone?

No, I haven't gone Breaking Bad. I've yet to see a high-school lab that has the resourses that guy has. I'm talking about cars.

Everybody knows the speed limit. Most people speed. They use, as their justification, that "everybody else does it." But speed limits are there for a reason. We all know it.

We know if we get caught, there's a huge penalty. Yet... most of us do it anyway.


(no, I didn't get caught speeding. I actually don't speed much. I'm such a bad driver that I try to keep my speed down. So, if it's 25, I'm going 30 -35, getting passed like crazy.)

(Oh, and I won't be getting comments too well. My email is down, so I apologize if you comment and I don't reply. I really do want to hear any thoughts.)



April 13, 2010

Banner Night For Timothy

Timothy is in trouble.

The night before last, he scratched a car with a stick he was porting while riding his bike. After apologies (no bills, the neighbor is cool), the verdict was issued. No wheels for a week.

By the time he got to go out to play last night (after wrangling with homework and a super-dug-in tick), Moth-man had been reminded by me, alone, at least twice. "No bike. No scooter."

Then, Stinky comes in about 20 minutes after they go out. "Tim was riding Dylan's bike and he scratched another car." (yeah, yeah, he's a snitch).

Well, that was it. Tim was in for the night - no supper. Luckily, this was a rubber on paint thing. But boy, was tim crying. ("But I didn't ride my bike! I rode Dylan's bike!" believe me, he understands wheels is wheels now!)

As I was coming back from apologizing to the neighbor I'd never met before (nice intro, eh?), I see all these kids carrying these cushions and an old shelf. "These are Timmy's" they loudly proclaimed.

"Um, no, they're not." I denied.

"From his fort!" they demanded.

"He doesn't have a fort" OK now I'm worried. Did he steal these cushions? No, he rescued them from the garbage, they maintained.

"Well, he can't have them." Cool - one of the other kids will take them!! (Dylan, of bike fame!)

Later - back at the hall of justice - the phone rings. Another neighbor I've never met. "Is this Timothy's mother? My name is Ellen Sheffler. Your kid made a fort on my yard. I called the police."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry..."

"I can't be having this garbage on my yard. It needs to be cleaned up now!"

"Ma'am, I saw the kids bringing the cushions..."

"You will clean up this garbage now."

Crotchety old bat.

So, I drag Tim down, yelling at him the whole way about private property and never stepping foot on other people's property. We get there and... no cushions. No junk. I walked back her huge driveway (she's on the rich side of the hood). She came out and confirmed. "Well, they must have just taken them."

"Ma'am, my son has been on his bed for the last 2 hours for punishment. If you had listened to me, they took these cushions away when you asked."

"Well, I thought..."

"Ma'am, I'm going home. Have a nice day." Bitch.

Call the fuzz on my little boy? You old cow. I hope you end up in a nursing home with some person who got treated like you just treated my Timmy responsible for making sure your butt gets wiped. Cause it won't. Then you'll know what a pain in the butt really is.

(By the by, Ellen Sheffler is not her real name. I just picked a name that... seemed to fit.)

Kids. People talk about the worry... but they never talk about the embarrassment.



April 09, 2010

Petty Theft

You know, I expected a certain amount of theft from my students. There are people who are, after all, asshats. It's one of our commonalities, across nationality, creed, color. A certain percentage of poeople make you want to beat them about the head.

Over the last 2 years, it's gotten worse... or maybe I've gotten more lax about having stuff out that can be stolen.

They stole my magic 8 ball last year. (I used to refer to magic 8 as the number of electrons in the s/p orbital combination. sigh.) This year, they stole my crystal ball (used to divine grades) and my school bell that my big sis gave me.

Now, they've taken to stealing supplies. I got a bunch of hand soap and lotion from my husband when his company was throwing stuff out. It has all disappeared. Even the soap that I had stored under the sink.

I'm thinking that this wasn't the work of students. I think it was the work of the cleaning staff.

And I cannot express how pissed off that makes me.

Petty, indeed.



April 06, 2010

A Tale Of Two Bikes

Our kids are big galoots. Stinky is just about my height, and Mothman isna far behind.

Of course, Tim would say that he's just as big as Sean. And Sean would say that Tim wasn't even close. But that's the way - has been ever since Cain and Able, right?

A few years ago, Sean learned to ride a big boy bike. It took almost 2 months, the second summer of trying, before it took. But once he got it... well, we haven't seen him since, if the weather is nice.

At the time, Tim had his little boy bike. He insisted that Dad take off the training wheels (he was 5, I think), and he rode in the back yard until he didn't fall anymore. Took him less than a week.

Fast forward. Tim's still on his "little boy" bike - and he resembles the bear at the circus (sorry, stealing image, as I can't do pictures at work...). He also crashes a lot because the bike is just too small.

Time for a new bike.

We got it from Amazon - and it came on Saturday, while Dad was working on a mongo paper for his grade three class in boringology. Dad tried to put it together on Sunday. There was a constant stream of neighborhood boys - "Look at my new bike!!" and a constant stream of creative foul language from Dad - there was a problem. The brake was faulty. And that kid needs all the safety equimpent he can get. So we had to send it back.

Heartbreak city.

The kids had yesterday off - so Dad trouped them off to Richard's sporting goods. They were OUT OF BIKES. Heartbreak part 2! But then, lo and behold, Tarjay had one. It's the Magma - Impersonater. What a dumb name for a bike. What, does it melt on command? Anyhow. There'll be pictures when I get home and can upload them.
After an hour of searching for the lost helmet (heartbreak 3! The revenge of entropy!), Mothy was off, not to be seen unless there was a new trick he had mastered (can ride without hands, can wheelie...)
Spring is here!

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April 05, 2010

Very Nice

We were in a meeting discussing the lack of progress of our students today. I wondered aloud why we didn't track students from the get go. I was challenged and I said something to the effect of "I could never be a first string athlete."

I was then called a racist.

All because I think some kids are more academically gifted than others.

Very nice.


April 03, 2010

The Devil, You Say!

I was watchin the boob tube last night - Nat Geo - and they had a program about "The Curse of the Devil"

The Tasmanian Devil.

First off (Johnny), did you know they REALLY sound like the TD from Bugs Bunny! And even kind of look like him! Check it out:

When they put the microphone on them, you could have knocked me down with a feather.

Now, it seems that there is some kind of TRANSMITTABLE (by ingestion!), FATAL CANCER (that is scary and really cool science) that is killing the devil.

The devil population has decreased by 90% (I think that's the number - though they say it's been decimated, which means down by 10%?). They kept saying they needed to find a way to "save the devil"

(I muttered that he had to be born again. There are my protestant roots for ya.)

In all, quite a cool program. The devil you know, or the devil you don't?


April 02, 2010

Bing Sucks

So, IE comes with this bing crap in its address bar. That used to be where google search was, so once in a while, my birdbrain skips a groove and searches with Bing.

Today, I was looking for where the concert is - I know it's in Wayne somewhere, and I know they're doing the Requiem. Other than that, I'm clueless (as usual). I type into Bing:
wayne pa mozart requiem april 2

My first hit is Lil Wayne, the second is some youtube performance of some Pa guy in the requiem.

I cut and paste into Google - or Topeka, as they were briefly called - and my first hit?

Mozart Requiem Good Friday for Haiti ReliefMozart Requiem Good Friday for Haiti Relief. Apr 2, 2010; 3pm; St. Mary's, Wayne. In response to the suffering and loss of the people of Haiti, ...

Google Rules. Bing Drools.

In other tech news, does anyone use live journal? I post my original fiction there, and it seems that LJ is now incompatible with Firefox. Is there a fix? Anybody know?