flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

December 23, 2008

Whoda Thunk?

I was thinking on an old book that I liked when I was a kid. There was this island. And these giants. And hamburgers. Lots of them.

It was called Giants Come in Different Sizes.

It now costs $50 if you want to buy it - amazon, ebay, doesn't matter.

weird, huh?



December 21, 2008

My Favorite Christmas Album -

when I was a kid.

My parents had a bunch of the True Value compilations... and this one, this song in particular, totally means Christmas to me.

And it's a better trip down memory lane than this one. For some reason, I got Annette and Frankie confused with Steve and Eydie in my head. Heavens Forbid!

And now back to the present. Later, gators!


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December 17, 2008

Fractured Carols

So, We're all familiar with the Jingle Bells/ Batman thing, which is canon. The grade schoolers since added a bit to start the Dashing through the snow verse, but didn't finish it. I've made an attempt. Here we go:

Batman's in the kitchen (verse beginning via sean confirmed internet)
Robin's in the hall
Joker's in the bathroom, peeing on the wall!
Penguin's eating boogies (verse completion a la hag, needs help)
says they taste like glue
Catwoman is hungry, so she'll eat boogies, too (edited 12/19 on Stinky advice)

Oh Jingle Bells
Batman Smells
Robin Laid an Egg
Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away, hey!

And now for something really messed up: (or cool, if you're a geek like me. Via BigSis)



December 14, 2008

General Updates

Tis the season... for kids to be rowdy. Stinky and the Moth are burning off enough energy to light NYC for a day whirling around the house like dervishes. The kids at school are about the same.

How do you teachers do this year after year? It's enough to make me dislike holidays!

We have had a knifing in the bathroom this week and a bomb threat. (That's new for us - more a suburb thing.) More to the point though is that I have about 60% attendance at any one time. I'm not sure what to do with it! But I just teach the same lesson twice. Most kids who are there both times just work ahead; the rest don't pay attention either time.

I tell you - the sentence for egotism should be teaching high school. They'll straighten you out fast as to your importance in the world!!

John has started the steps to go back to school. He's terrified that his job will be gone in less than 5 years. He's probably right. But he'll be fine. He's smart and he works hard. I wish he'd have a little more confidence in himself. He's had mr. doom cloud over his head for months, but now that he's moving forward down a path, he's back to being the John I know. That's probably the best Christmas gift I could ask for!

The tree is up, the lights are up, and we went for a two-horse open wagon ride through a luminary-lit neighborhood last night. Life is good. Hope the same for anyone who wanders this way.


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Beware - semi-religious post

So, I was driving to work the other day and thinking, as I often do, about people I don't see anymore. I started to reminisce about an old friend who was a lot of fun. She was industrious - worked her butt off - very generous (if anyone was celebrating or in trouble, you could count on her for help). She was just a good person to hang with.

She had some weird personal things - what chemists don't? She had piercings and tattoos, she liked heavy music, and she was into "the dark side", in personal things, if you know what I mean. She named her dog a german word that means something like evil. She named her kid something that was associated with Satanism.

I always thought it was just an affectation. She was probably a Wiccan, but with the scientist's sense of irony, she pushed the envelope. If people think Wicca is evil, she'll make them think she's really evil - on the surface, anyhow. That's what I thought.

But this day, as I was driving, I began to wonder if it wasn't. Was she a Satanist? What is a Satanist?

It would seem to me, if she's a Satanist, he's getting gypped. She might be serious about her religion, but her attitudes and behaviors - and I spent a LOT of time with her - were those any Christian would be proud to have. It seems to me Satanism is all about putting self first, and she NEVER EVER did that. She ALWAYS puts others first, personally and professionally.

There are some who say she will go to Hell for her beliefs, even if they are my original suspicion, Wiccan. But I just can't believe that. If there is a heaven, I believe she will be there. I can't imagine that she wouldn't be.

So, Merry Christmas, old friend, even if you don't believe in it. I'm pretty sure He believes in you.

And Merry Christmas to any who read this. The Chronicles are coming (talk about presenting a sarcastic side to the world) but my thumb has split open early this year, and I'm having a hard time writing the cards.

Joyeux Noel!