flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

December 29, 2007

This Is The English System...

This is the english system on drugs!!

I'm drinking some Harry and David Christmas Blend this morning (thanks Ron and Ginny!) and I was on my own making it. John has left the coffee making to me lately. And I've been doing it by eye.

The problem is, John's monster coffee maker is kinda hard to judge for water level. So, I decided to follow directions.

I was to use 2 tablespoons for 1 6oz cup of water. But isn't a cup 8oz? whack. So I measured out 8 tablespoons. Then I put in 24 oz - 4 Coffee Cups but 3 English cups and guess what? 5 cuisinart cups.

Sheesh, could this be any less precise?!

But it sure is tasty!


December 23, 2007

There's A New Smurf In Town

Stinky and the Moth like to watch Smurfs. It's really smurfed up, but it keeps them quiet. Opiate of the brats, TV is.


Smurfs have gotten even more annoying, if possible. They've added to their cast. Natural Smurf, or Gnat (an annoying creature in itself) as they call him, talks like Cartman from South Park. And he loves nature. I look forward to him talking about global smurfing in an upcoming episode.

Speaking of Global Warmening, looks like we're not burning enough dinosaur bones, and the
temperature rise has abated. (hat tip tim blair)


December 19, 2007

And I was just wondering...

The thing you use to get stuff up off your carpet...
is it a vacuum?
a hoover?
a sweeper?

It strikes me that what I call it is something my family, but maybe no one else, calls it. So I'm taking an informal poll.


Who Made You Judge?

I was up in dear old Tunkhannock yesterday – took my mom Christmas shopping and such. It’s really pretty up there, especially at Christmas. But it’s COLD. I shiver just thinking about it. Anyhow, I was reading her paper this morning (the Wilkes Barre Times Leader) and saw this story on the front page.

In case they take it down, I’ll sum it up. There is a woman who sued a doctor, but not for malpractice.

It seems she sued a local business up there for negligence when she tripped on their steps. She won a million in that lawsuit. (I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a contributing factor in putting the wonderful Beaumont Inn out of business. And that is a true loss.).

Her doctor disclosed some of her health information to the owners of the Inn during the trial. She sued him for that.

She lost. The jury awarded her nothing.


It’s like he was saying: “You stupid jury. You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m so much smarter than the twelve of you put together.”

The higher court overturned his overturning (is this egg over-easy yet?), striking a point for the side of the jury system.

This judge ought to be fired.

And I hope the woman has a really nice life. And that someone sues her and takes her for everything she has.



December 15, 2007

Green Rally

This, only bigger, was the front page of the paper today. It's a rally for earth-savers in Indonesia. Please take a look, if you can, at how many of these protesters look like native Indonesians.

Where did they come from?

How did they get to Indonesia?

If it was by plane, they should all be forced to pay big-time fines for being world-class hypocrites.

I can dream, can't I?


It's An Annoying Movie!

It's a wonderful life if you don't get exposed to this saccharine movie. George Bailey is the most annoying whiner ever.

I hate that daggone movie.

Uncle Billy is a damn drunk who should never have been trusted with anything.

Potter was right, it is all sentimental hogwash.


And my stupid husband has played it twice in the last twenty-four hours, putting me in a VERY bad mood. I think I’ll kick him in the balls tonight to make it even.


We (I) cleaned the house and put up the tree and the new electric train today. (To be fair, John has cooked all day and it smells delicious. You all should be jealous.)

The moth has a new addiction. This train is lectric and has a light. There's even enough extra parts to make an "eight track", as Tim called it. I put that together for a few hours, and he couldn't stop watching.

He tries to stop playing with the train, but then he has to go right back to it again. In addition, he has to play his new music player (it plays this tinny version of "Hello my baby..." you know, the song the frog sang in bugs bunny?... over and over again. Thanks Jen and Mike. Really. Wait til next birthday for Jack and Patrick.)

So, Tim's got the train running while he plays his music player. What's that called? Speedballing? I am concerned.


Stinky has lost his second front tooth. Got a buck for it, too. He lost it for one day (did I mention his teacher said he's organization-challenged? That's PC for total slob.) He was heart broken because the tooth fairy would not give him loot if he didn't have the tooth. I asked him what she does with the teeth and he said she makes a city. Ewwww.

He tried to play the "Santa's not real" card this year, testing the water. I treat Satan... errr... Santa a bit different than most parents (Birdwoman, different? Say it ain't so.) Moms and Dads give you most of your toys, and Santa might give you one or two. Santa doesn't have time or money to hand out all the toys in the world, and he can't even make all the toys that he gives out, so parents help out by giving toys to Santa to distribute. We usually give the toys to Santa's helpers, some of whom look like him. You never know when you've got the real Santa or not.

And if you don't believe in him, you just don't get presents from him.

That shut Stinky up, but good.


Meanwhile, it's luminary and carriage night in our neighborhood. And for the first time in 12 years, I missed it. I haven't nagged Dirt Bird to finish the chronicles this year, so I honestly don't know if we're even going to send them. Sigh. At least I can catch my breath before starting the next job.


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December 13, 2007

Don't Drink the Water

As I leave Spaceley's tommorow, I'm heading back to the city I love to teach a subject I love (mostly): Chemistry. So here's a little chemistry.

Back in the day, when I was a chemistry student / teacher's assistant, I remember studying the colligative properties. Boiling Point elevation, freezing point lowering, osmotic pressure change, and vapor pressure lowering.

I always remember that we taught that in the beginning of the spring semester. It was a particularly good time of year for examples. You see, the more junk that goes into water, the lower its freezing point is.

Philadelpha puddles don't freeze.

It doesn't matter how cold it gets, the daggone things don't freeze.

I guess that's why folks in these parts don't call it wah'-ter, they call it wuh'-dder. It's not water.

Did I say I love this city? Truly, I do. Despite its dirty wudder.



I Don't Like Boys

(No, this isn't a coming out post.)

As a person of Christian extraction, I really like the Advent season. And even though it has been taken over as the Christmas season, I'm okay with that. Not so much a purist here.

So, one of my recent holiday traditions is to listen to XM Classical Christmas. They're the only station where you'll here Good King Wenseslas, Carol of the Bells, Poulenc Motets, Britten's ceremony of carols, etc etc.

But they have this strange proclivity for playing boy choirs. I guess I'm weird. I like plain voice, like Cambridge singers, but I cannot tolerate the timbre of a boy's voice. It grates on my nerves. So, what to do? Why, gripe of course. Isn't that what blogs are for?



December 08, 2007

I’m Kotter

Feel free to welcome me back. Though I don’t know how often I’ll be able to blog.

So, anyway, Stinky and the Moth.

Took Stinky to the movies today – we saw the Golden Compass. (he’s def. my movie buddy. Moth can’t abide sitting through a movie.) When we left the theater, he was chattering a mile a minute about how the war was like the war that he and his friends have out in our woods. He was all a blather about secret weapons and potions that “hurtin your lungs” and the myriad bad guys he and his friends put in jail. It kind of reminded me of green school with Louie and Gluey, as my brothers and sisters might remember I went to.

He’s a hoot.

We went to a closer theater this time. The last movie we went to see was The Seeker, based on another great YA Fantasy series. That one took us all the way out to Collegeville, which is where Sean’s camp had been this summer. So, we’re driving, and he says, “Mom, when we go under this bridge, we’ll be in the land of changing signs.”

I thought he was being metaphysical and Kafka-esque until I noticed that all the billboards after the bridge were the kind that change… such a kid.

Mothman had to get new shoes today – he’s grown 1.5 sizes since July. He’s going to grow into those feet, too, isn’t he. *sigh* Tim is absolutely enamored of trains, and we get out the train that Uncle Johnny gave him a few years ago at Christmastime. So I got it out last week. It’s all he talked about every day… until today. While I took Stinky to the movies, Dad took the Moth out to get a train for around our tree. Tim is hopping with excitement for next week when we put the train up.

He loves trains so much that he was still excited when we got on the LAST train on our excursion to New Ork last week (that’s an 8 train trip from our area). The only thing he liked more was the spaceship ride to Mars (there’s a restaurant there that has a ride that makes you feel like you’re in a spaceship, and when you get out (on the other side), it’s all red and rocky. Only Douglas Quaid was missing.) or maybe the crazy taxi ride.

However, there is one thing the Tim does NOT like (emphatically). Dirty Sugar. When I figure out exactly what dirty sugar is, I’ll be sure to update. At this point, we think it’s anything he doesn’t like, but it probably is a particular taste.


So, that's the recent dispatches. Since I last wrote, Stinky's aged a year, and so has birdwoman. Our kids have turned into the headless horseman and a fireman - then turned back with full sacks of candy in hand. We re-elected all elephants in the burbs, though W is universally reviled here abouts (and of course the Inquirer listed every victory as "a huge challenge by the increasingly strong democrats"). I've finished my last class and just about finished with Spaceleys. And that's about it. Now, I've got to go finish more laundry.

be squawking at ya!

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