flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

My Photo
Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

July 15, 2013

Don't Trust The Man

The Kikkoman, that is.

My dirty bird is addicted to Kikkoman teriyaki sauce. He says you could probably marinade liver in it and the liver would taste good. You can serve it with fava beans and a nice Chianti. *shudder*

So, now that he's jonesing to get his fix, the supermarket pusher only carries it in these 8oz bottles at like $4 a pop. Like WHA??? Is it liquid gold?

AMAZON to the rescue! John found a deal for 4 gallons of it (at $.13 an ounce). So, he ordered it. After much grumbling from our UPS man - who, incidentally, HATES us - we now are the proud owners of 4 gallons of teriyaki.

If the Zombie Apocalypse that Stinky keeps predicting actually happens? We're set.

John was explaining to me how we were set. "I know it seems like a lot of sauce, but in the long run, it'll work out well."

"Cool!" the moth replies, "you can use it in a lawnmower? That's awesome!"

This demonstrates two key aspects to Mothman. First: he is unflaggingly positive. Life is never lemons; it's always lemonade!

Second: he's got to clean out his ears more often. And apply logic before asking questions.


July 10, 2013

The corniest dawg I ever saw

So, I got to pick the movie last night.

One of the perks of John working late shift is that most nights can be a movie night. In summer anyhow. He gets home and we can start a movie at 9. No big. The boys watch something together almost every night. Notice, I said boys. I almost never watch with them.

Last night, however, I had a movie I wanted to watch, and the boys deigned to join me. It was The Impossible, and it was about a family who were in Thailand when the 2004 tsunami hit.

Now, you ask yourself, could there possibly be anything of a sexual content in this movie? There wasn't. Not at all. I watched all the pre-wave scenes just to make sure. But I missed something, apparently. At one point, the mother is putting on a swim suit? dress? in a silhouette kind of angle. And apparently, you can kind of see the side of her boob. My husband was like "oh my goodness" and I just smacked him when he explained. I said "you're such a horn dog. Only you would notice that."

Moth pipes in, "why'd you call dad a corn dog?"

So now, the Dirt Bird has a new nick - corn dog. If he's being uptight (and oh, by the way, being the queen of uptight gives me the right to judge), I can say he's corn dog on a stick!

Meanwhile, at one point, the woman flashes her ENTIRE boob. Of course, her shirt - and her boob - are falling off (injuries from being swept through the tsunami). And somehow, through the gore, all the boys still snickered.

You wonder why I don't watch movies with them?

Of course, when they loaded a sick person (on a stretcher) onto an airplane at the end of the movie? I started laughing myself. I kept wondering where the nun was, and if someone was going to call someone else Shirley.

My boys take after me, after all.