flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

April 13, 2010

Banner Night For Timothy

Timothy is in trouble.

The night before last, he scratched a car with a stick he was porting while riding his bike. After apologies (no bills, the neighbor is cool), the verdict was issued. No wheels for a week.

By the time he got to go out to play last night (after wrangling with homework and a super-dug-in tick), Moth-man had been reminded by me, alone, at least twice. "No bike. No scooter."

Then, Stinky comes in about 20 minutes after they go out. "Tim was riding Dylan's bike and he scratched another car." (yeah, yeah, he's a snitch).

Well, that was it. Tim was in for the night - no supper. Luckily, this was a rubber on paint thing. But boy, was tim crying. ("But I didn't ride my bike! I rode Dylan's bike!" believe me, he understands wheels is wheels now!)

As I was coming back from apologizing to the neighbor I'd never met before (nice intro, eh?), I see all these kids carrying these cushions and an old shelf. "These are Timmy's" they loudly proclaimed.

"Um, no, they're not." I denied.

"From his fort!" they demanded.

"He doesn't have a fort" OK now I'm worried. Did he steal these cushions? No, he rescued them from the garbage, they maintained.

"Well, he can't have them." Cool - one of the other kids will take them!! (Dylan, of bike fame!)

Later - back at the hall of justice - the phone rings. Another neighbor I've never met. "Is this Timothy's mother? My name is Ellen Sheffler. Your kid made a fort on my yard. I called the police."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry..."

"I can't be having this garbage on my yard. It needs to be cleaned up now!"

"Ma'am, I saw the kids bringing the cushions..."

"You will clean up this garbage now."

Crotchety old bat.

So, I drag Tim down, yelling at him the whole way about private property and never stepping foot on other people's property. We get there and... no cushions. No junk. I walked back her huge driveway (she's on the rich side of the hood). She came out and confirmed. "Well, they must have just taken them."

"Ma'am, my son has been on his bed for the last 2 hours for punishment. If you had listened to me, they took these cushions away when you asked."

"Well, I thought..."

"Ma'am, I'm going home. Have a nice day." Bitch.

Call the fuzz on my little boy? You old cow. I hope you end up in a nursing home with some person who got treated like you just treated my Timmy responsible for making sure your butt gets wiped. Cause it won't. Then you'll know what a pain in the butt really is.

(By the by, Ellen Sheffler is not her real name. I just picked a name that... seemed to fit.)

Kids. People talk about the worry... but they never talk about the embarrassment.




Anonymous big sis said...

The police?? My goodness, Moth is topping his cousin's antics. We had the SPCA called on us last summer because Ben thought it would be good to take Chief on a walk... using his 4-wheeler :) Fun, isn't it?
oh... and Ellen Sheffler? Now I'll have nightmares...

April 14, 2010 1:19 PM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

you and kathy both picked up on Ellen Sheffler. :) Can't help it, it's who she reminded me of.

That's a funny Ben story. Not surprising, but funny.


April 14, 2010 2:14 PM  
Anonymous One of the bros said...

Amazing, the logic. "You said I can't ride my bike...(didn't say anyone's bike...) Sorry this kind of stuff happens to kids and parents!
Ellen Sheffler, incarnate??? Now that's scary!

April 15, 2010 11:43 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

I wonder if other Lemonites have the same fond memories of Ellen that our family seems to have...


April 15, 2010 2:19 PM  

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