flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

January 08, 2012

It's Gameshow Time!

Well, it’s that time of year again! Birdmom has landed at the aviary.  With her come cookies, candy, and lots of television. The Moth, in particular, has developed the taste of watching game shows with Grandma from 7-8, daily.

Now, most of us are fine with Jeopardy. Stinky will shout out answers from whatever room he’s in (Bird Mom, like most seniors, has no problem with her hearing. Really.  She just likes to have the television a little… loud). I simply put on headphones or Harvey hearing (the enviable ability to ignore all outside aural stimuli is fantastic!) 

But for some reason, wheel of fortune annoys me, and Stinky, to no end. I have taken to calling it Wheel of Morons. Not that the people on it are morons. I simply hate that show.

At the dinner table last night, the Moth was asking why he and grandma hadn’t been able to watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. It was, of course, Saturday, and these bastions of television entertainment only show Monday through Friday. So Stinky came up with this skit – his very own episode of Wheel of Morons. Believe it or not, all of these puns and silliness came from Stinky. I’ve just added the punctuation. The sarcasm gene runs strong in the Hag family.

Wheel of morons!!

(We cut to the middle of the show, where the current unfinished puzzle is: “TH_ COW SAYS _OO!”  and our contestant, Nelson Numbskull, has just gotten the wheel)

Nelson: I’d like to buy a vowel!

Pat: Go ahead

Nelson: How about a T?

Pat: (sighs) T is not a vowel.

Nelson: OK then, how about an R?

Pat: (closes eyes,  breathes deeply) R is not a vowel, either.

Nelson: Can I buy a consonant, then?

Pat: (Glares) We don’t sell consonants, only vowels!

Nelson: Oh, (pauses) too bad. I was going to buy Asia.

Pat: (rolling eyes) Asia is a CONTINENT not a CONSONANT

Nelson: Huh? Well, anyway, I think I can solve the puzzle!

Pat: (excited at the prospect of this torture ending) go ahead then


Pat: (bonks head on announcers’s desk) Must Get Jeopardy Job!

Pretty funny, huh? Does he have a future writing for mad?



Anonymous bigsis said...

LOL! Haven't read your blog in a while. Moth's 69ers (although unintentional) and this one by Stinky - very intentional, have brightened my day :)

February 01, 2012 5:02 PM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

I type but to amuse :)

February 01, 2012 5:49 PM  

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