flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

October 14, 2012


We're in the middle of autumn soccer season, and my little mothy smurf (the team color is blue, so they're the smurfs - better than the Brown Bombers of the spring season) scored a goal today. This is after he was playing defense last week, and when two kids were running up on the goal, he came up on them (out of nowhere!) and said, "Hello Boys!" as he stole the ball.

He's such an athlete.

But he's a bigger smart alec.

This morning, he started out the day dressing Stinky's dog, Loki, in a Michael Vick jersey. This is because Stinky hates Michael Vick because he abused dogs. Mothy made sure I got a picture up on facebook, too, commemorating Loki's turn to the dark side.

Gotta love that timmy. (Lest you think he is the best player on the team, he is not. He simply is a spaz. He is also the  biggest dirt-eater - he gets so dirt-crusted every day that showers don't clean him. It's rather disgusting, actually.)

Meanwhile, in Grumpy Mc-Stormcloud land, (That is stinky's nickname in the house. He's such a ray of sunshine!), the stinks has a new job. Mowing the lawn. I cannot mow it because of my hurt paw. We pay him pretty well ($30 for the lawn), but he swears it's a ripoff. He swears that if he worked at Wawa (think 7-11), he'd make at least $20 an hour. He's got it all planned out.

He is going to save money up, see, because his friend John knows of this place where they sell new Porsches for $20,000. He figures he can save up that much by the time he turns 16, especially if he can get a job at Wawa. And he'll need it, because all men need cars, and he's turning into a man. He has hairs under his arms now (he swears) and that means he's a man now. "The Movie" they made him watch in school last year told him so.

Moth must have heard one of the Stink's diatribes on this man-mobile stuff, because last week, as we were going to church, he asked his dad what kind of sports car he would get if he could get any sports car. Dad's answer was the most expensive one, so he could sell it.

"But you need to drive a cooler car, Dad. All dudes need a cool car. You need a cooler car so you can pick up chicks! You don't pick up hardly any girls, now"

Hardly any? Somebody's in TROUBLE.

Ah, well, time to go finish this weeks lessons.



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