flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

September 22, 2005

Meanest Mom In The World!

I have to blog this.

This morning, Stinky was being rather a pest. He has this victorian melodrama thing going on lately, where, whenever things aren't going his way, he says he wants to die. I've tried different methods of dealing with this: ignore him, talk to him about how bad it would be if he were dead, tell him all the stuff he'd miss if he were dead, make fun of him (hey, I'm a teaser at heart) by saying "go ahead, just don't leave a mess" kind of thing...

This morning I had no patience for any of it.

I've taken to leaving 20-30 minutes later in the morning. I end up being stuck at work late just about every day, so where's the fire to get here at 7:30, right? So, I'm cleaning the kitchen a bit, watering the flowers, blogging, getting ready, the Moth jabbering and helping me the whole time, and the Heir watching TV (the only tv he gets all day.) Well, I'm finally ready to go - I turn off the computer, turn off the tv, give the boys marching orders. Cue pathetic pout.

First he tries hiding and just generally moping. I tell him if I have to bodily move him, he's gonna be very, very sorry. So then, I get the "I'm just gonna die" rant. Then, a new twist, he falls to the floor with eyes closed.

"Get up, Sean."

"I'm dead."

"Get up, Sean."

"Di Up, Tinky." (from Moth Man).



"OK, Tim, if Sean's dead, I guess we'll go to Dunkin Donuts instead of school." Moth does not understand English completely yet, so this goes over his head... however, on the floor, a miraculous event occurs...

“Donuts! Donuts! Yeah!”

“Oh, Sean, you’re alive! I guess we can go to school now.”

He thought I was kidding at first. Then he got the croc tears going. I knew I had to get a way out of this, then I realized, HE NEVER SAID PLEASE. Almost joyfully, I presented this fact.

My boy is a rule follower, so he knew he’d lost. Today. Soon, however, he’s going to be out-manipulating me.

(and just what would Dr. Laura say about this episode, I wonder.)



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