flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

March 02, 2005

There's Gold In Them Thar Nostrils!

OK, I was listening to Michael Medved on the way home yesterday (I generally tend to agree with him on foreign policy stuff, and want to strangle him on social stuff, but he almost always entertains me), and he had on the most incredible flake.

Dr. Bella DePaulo has come out as the un-elected spokesperson for a new victim group: Singles. She gets all sorts of outraged about things like the New Yorker calling its restaurant “Table for Two” because it makes single people feel left out.

Now I could go on and on about this, but in the end, I guess I’m really just mad because it’s a victim group I can’t belong to. I’m married, and happy to be so. In fact, I’m having a hard time fitting into any victim group. I’m white, completely white, as in British descendant. I’m young, but not too young. I’m female, yes, but I work in technology, so I guess I can’t really claim oppression there. So what victim group can I be a part of?

Well, I can’t figure one out. But I’m seriously thinking about joining a victim group that I’ve made up. The BoogerPickerEater* victim group.

Come on, ante up. Most people out there do one-half of that social crime. Most people, in the privacy of their home, the semi-privacy of their cube, or the not-at-all-privacy of their car go digging for the gold. I’ve seen it as I drive. I’ll even admit to clearing a stuffy passage in my time, though I’ve never gone so far as to ingest the leavings.

I know this confession is gonna make some of you absolutely sick. I know I’ll be persecuted for this, as I was back in middle school when Patty Post caught me picking during a filmstrip. That scarred me for life, I tell you. And why? To what purpose was I singled out and denigrated?

Scientists have stated that this habit is not only medically not-harmful, it is actually

"With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a
handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.

"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of
strengthening the body's immune system.

"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do.”

Read the whole thing, if you dare. Open your mind! Stop treating those who dare to fly in the face of convention and pick their noses as dregs of society!

Myself, I’m off to find some government reparations and funding.

*Named in honor of a former Temple professor who used to imbibe during all the graduate-student seminars. One of the graduate students used to call him that “G-dD@mBoogahPickahEatah” in said student’s strange Haitian-New Yorker accent. In fact, I can no longer remember this professor by any other name. Just another case of the oppression of an innocent!



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