Environmental Grouch

I’m not environmentally friendly. I like beef, electricity, and plastic. While I understand the need to conserve resources, I get rather vexed when some young punk comes round my way, knocks on my door, interrupts my viewing of Jerry Springer, and attempts to lecture me on the “right” way to live.

Piss. Off.

But what nettles me more is when there is inherent hypocrisy in the proselyte. Take AlGore for example. He makes this big movie about carbon emissions, the entire time FLYING AROUND the STINKING EARTH in FIRST CLASS seats in AIRPLANES. Last time I checked, they burned fuel, and none too efficiently. Ever heard of WEBCASTS, Al? I mean, for real for real, didn’t you invent the internets?

Today, I was out for my morning jog (back up to 3 miles at a shot! Yipee!) when I noticed, in the rare sunlight, the new addition to our streets. At every street drain, someone has spray-painted a message: “No dumping! This is our drinking water! Be Green!”

Let me repeat. At the, well, let me pull out my recently dusted-off OOM skills – about 100 inlets in my bedroom community, some moron has used aerosol paint, which will eventually leach into the water, in order to command me not to pollute the water by dumping toxins on my residential street. DUH.

Just call me Oscar. I think I’ll go for a joy ride today, just to even things out.

(*)>