flightless hag

A chronicle of the adventures of birdwoman: a lonely, talentless freak who wanders the internet in search of entertainment.

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Location: Philly

I'm a 40-something married white female, survivor of weight watchers, avid reader of pulp. Dogs (not cats), extreme right (handed, not politics), ENTJ, alto, wanna-be knitter.

December 21, 2004

Telemarketers to target Cell Phone Users

I got one of those warning mails today - starting January 1, telemarketers can access a cell-411 list, which will open cell phones to them. Snopes-ed it (and checked with our mobile goddess at work) for confirmation.

God, it's been a long time since I had to deal with telemarketers. We've been on the "do not call list" for PA since the day it was opened.

I hated those calls.

But there were a few times when I had great fun at the telemarketers' expense. It didn't happen often, because I had to be in the right mood, and I had to have the right scheme at hand...

Once, I told the incredibly pushy salesman that, yes, I supposed I would allow his company to provide electricity to me. I knew for those kind of calls, they had to get a supervisor to confirm. After fourty-five minutes of his valuable time, he passed me to his supervisor for confirmation. I got my husband on the phone with the supervisor, as I "wasn't authorized to pay the house bills" and he proceeded to pretend to get all kinds of mad. I think that got the salesman into some hot water with his super... poor jackass.

Then, there was the dance academy that wanted me to sign up for lessons. They were located above the Harrison's in Ardmore. I said I would love to join, and did they have elevators? She answered no (I figured they wouldn't). I said that was a problem, as I was wheelchair-bound. Was there anything she could do? I had always wanted to dance... Poor girl was practically in tears as she apologized and hung up.

But my favorite, favorite tele-trap was for AT&T. They wanted me to buy a voice-recognition service, so I could say "Mom", and it would instantly dial my mother. Like I, the village idiot, couldn't push speed-dial-2 (John's work is speed-dial-1). But if I were the village idiot, would I be able to program the voice recognition? Hmmm...

Anyhow, I answered: "Dat would be gweat. But, I have a question. Doeth it wuhk wiff a thpeech impediment?" (I used to have a terrible lisp, so I can mock one up that'll put hair on your chest.)
When the sap answered, "No, I don't think it would work..." I interrupted angrily.

"Why not? Do you think there'th a pwoblem wiff people who got a thpeech impediment? Huh?"

He didn't answer. He just hung up with a quick, "sorry. "

Good thing. The jig would have been up, as I was laughing hard enough to practically wet my pants.

(*)>

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorite way is to ask them if they have a customer ID number. When they express confusion I tell them I can't help them if they don't have a customer ID number and ask if they would like a customer service rep to get in contact with them to set up an account. They aren't usually interested in setting up an account. I don't know why.

LibertyBob

December 22, 2004 9:43 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

Dude! That's Great! Almost makes me wish I had telemarketing calls again...

Not.

(*)>

December 22, 2004 1:48 PM  

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